The ‘Parks And Recreation’ Pre-Season Power Rankings

A lot can happen when a TV show’s not on the air. Community can die and be resurrected by an email provider. Troubled actors can be quietly killed off on Scandal. Everyone on Game of Thrones can suddenly become billionaires. And even by those standards, some shit has gone down between innings for the cast of Parks and Recreation.

The last time we saw the residents of Pawnee, Indiana was April 2014, and in seven months alone, the entire power-structure of the series’ cast has shifted.

The seventh and final season of TV’s best comedy is on the way (apparently not until January — although if NBC keeps cancelling programs at their current speed they’ll have to bring it back sooner, or just make The Voice eight hours long). In anticipation, we decided to take a look at the social strata behind the scenes, and see where everyone stands ahead of the series return.

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#10: Rashida Jones (Ann Perkins)/Rob Lowe (Chris Traeger)

This past season, beautiful tropical fish Ann Perkins and the enthusiastic Chris Traeger left for greener pastures — as did the actors who played them.

Sadly, the Jones-produced sitcom A to Z has already been axed, while the pilot for Lowe’s The Pro was never even picked up (so instead he’s riling up the shy bladder community in a DirectTV ad, because… profits?). Rashida will return with the Steve and Nancy Carell-created Angie Tribeca, which sounds promising, and she’ll also pen Toy Story 4, shockingly. Until then, below Jerry they sit.

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#9: Jim O’Heir (Jerry Gergich)

Though Jerry/Larry/Terry may be a perpetual fuck-up, O’Heir is something of a successful workhorse, with not one, not two, but ten projects in the pipeline.

Still, he’s Jerry. So he’s #9.

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#8: Aubrey Plaza (April Ludgate)

Once the most promising and exciting young talent on the cast, the sardonic Plaza watched two of her cinema releases — The To Do List and Life After Beth ­– crater, big time. Her next move? To sign on to a Lifetime TV movie based on an internet meme so old it’s practically the medium’s Jazz Singer.

Yes, maybe the dry, mean-spirited vocals of April Ludgate are perfect for Grumpy Cat in Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever. But how the offer even got through her agents and managers is confounding. DO NOT ANSWER EMAILS WITH THE SUBJECT LINE ‘GRUMPY CAT VOICE-OVER?’ TEAM PLAZA!

Anyway, the trailer for it was unveiled early this week, and to the surprise of no-one it was godawful. Plus, there was the added indignity of the horrendous audio quality. Plaza’s V/O is so tinny-sounding you’d think that it was recorded from within her shame spiral.

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#7: Retta (Donna)

Retta’s doing just fine, y’all.

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#6: Nick Offerman (Ron Swanson)

The odds of Nick Offerman ever scoring an Emmy — let alone a nomination — for playing the sage libertarian Ron Swanson has dropped to what Nate Silver would call, “Never fucking likely”. That’s a tragedy. What’s worse: the “He was robbed!” cries of the internet seem to have subsided; that perpetually-dissatisfied hydra has been distracted by the egregious snubs of Hannibal in the drama categories.

That said, Offerman had a supporting role in The Lego Movie, and has been otherwise touring his acclaimed stand-up flick Nick Offerman: American Ham on the festival circuit. So fear not, Swansonites, Mr. Megan Mullally is has a long career ahead of him.

But should Emmy voters decide to right their long-standing wrong in 2015 and give him a statuette, we’d be cool with that too.

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#5: Billy Eichner (Craig)

#5 with a bullet! Billy Eichner has been wonderful for ages; anyone obsessed with his very-shouty game show Billy on the Street will attest to that, and he was a welcome addition to the cast in season six, playing Craig: an impassioned Eagletonian with a medical condition called CARING TOO MUCH.

Eichner then went on to steal the Emmy ceremony with its one funny bit, delighted David Letterman (right in the middle of Letterman’s ‘running out the clock’ era), scored an Amy Poehler-produced pilot with partner-in-crime Julie Klausner called Difficult People, and was mimicked by Burger King.

His Twitter game remains tight, too.

SIRI IS A LESBIAN

— billy eichner (@billyeichner) October 30, 2014

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#4: Aziz Ansari (Tom Haverford)

Aziz Ansari has been a bit of a Tom Haverford when it comes to big-screen stardom: box office success has been as difficult to find as clients for Entertainment 720.

Still, as far as stand-ups go, he’s in the upper echelon. The dude just sold out Madison Square Garden, a feat few comics can boast. Also, the ‘Treat Yo’ Self’ train isn’t slowing anytime soon.

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#3: Chris Pratt (Andy Dwyer)

He was the main, adorable voice in The Lego Movie and the lead in America’s highest grossing feature of the year, Guardians of the Galaxy. He scored a key role in 2015’s Jurassic World and was the first host of Saturday Night Live’s fortieth season. He performed a stirring rendition of ‘Forget About Dre’ and displayed an uncanny knack for French braiding. He’s enjoying a continued, wonderful-sounding marriage to Anna Faris and has successfully spruiked the ‘Fear Isn’t Real’ crowdfunding campaign to help a young boy fight brain cancer.

There’s no argument to be had. It was a good year for Andy Dwyer. And yet…

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#2: Adam Scott (Ben Wyatt)

…Adam Scott spent his summer recording a U2 tribute podcast with Comedy Bang Bang’s Scott Aukerman, titled U Talkin’ U2 To Me.

That’s a win in my books.

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#1: Amy Poehler (Leslie Knope)

Leslie Knope constantly achieves at the highest level humanly imaginable, so why should Amy Poehler be any different?

Just last week her memoir Yes Please hit bookshelves; a release that was complemented by an endearing run on late night. Back in January, she hosted the Golden Globes to great acclaim, finally picked up the Best Actress gong for this very show, and acted as den mother for 2014’s best new comedy, Broad City.

Sure, she too had some box office flops (They Came Together; Are You There) but they were jointly overshadowed by her presence in the mere teaser for Pixar’s Inside Out. And then there was the time she pretended to be Pitbull with Billy Eichner.

Plus, she’s Amy Poehler, and in 2014 that gets you to the top of any chart. There’s only one thing left to say:

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Unranked (aka the Real #1s): Ben Schwartz and Jenny Slate (Jean-Ralphio and Mona Lisa)

Jean-Ralphio and Mona-Lisa have no time for lists.

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Parks and Recreation returns early 2015.

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Simon Miraudo is an AFCA award-winning writer and film critic. He is also co-host of The Podcasting Couch and tweets at @simonmiraudo.