Being Lady Gaga’s Personal Assistant Is Probably The Worst Job In The World
You'll have to rub the corns on her feet, and you'll only get paid in Egyptian cotton sheets and Terry Richardson parties.
Besides all the seashell bras and Perez Hilton feuds and forest nudity and drunk shenanigans, Lady Gaga is also currently in the middle of an epic lawsuit against her former personal assistant and best friend, Jennifer O’Neill. O’Neill is claiming she worked 7,168 hours of unpaid overtime, where she had to do humiliating things like sleep in Gaga’s bed and rub the corns on her feet (gah!) and is suing the popstar for “£240,000, plus damages”, which sounds about right.
The trial’s apparently set to kick off on November 4, but over the weekend, The Daily Mail somehow uncovered all the pre-prepared testimonial court papers from the case. Holy shit, prepare some popcorn and sit back ’cause here comes some trashy hilarity…
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On business hours:
Personal assistant’s claim: “Every day is a work day for her, so every day is a work day for the rest of us… If she needs to get dressed, if she needs to get up, then I need to work and make sure that she has clothes on, make-up on, hair on, has drunk some water, taken her medication and had something to eat, which is every day of her life.”
Lady Gaga’s rebuttal: “This job is a 9-to-5 job that is spaced out throughout the day. You don’t get a schedule that is like you punch in and you can play f**king Tetris at your desk for four hours and then you punch out at the end of the day. When I need you, you’re available… I remember calling Jennifer at three in the morning, miserably ill one night and I needed her so bad to help me. I was like ‘I’m hanging over the toilet vomiting, please help me, I’ve got a headache, I’m shaking’, and, yes, I woke her up in the middle of the night, because I can’t get anyone to come help me. I wouldn’t know how to call a doctor.”
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On employment perks:
Personal assistant’s claim: “I was by her side virtually 24 hours a day, seven days a week. That includes sleeping in the same bed with her because she did not sleep alone… I had no privacy, no chance to talk to any family, no chance to talk to any friends, no chance to have sex if I wanted to have sex. There was no chance to do anything.”
Lady Gaga’s rebuttal: “She hung out with us [on the Monster Ball tour]. We were drinking champagne the whole time, laughing, and you know what, I still considered that to be work… We partied until five in the morning, we got f**king hammered, I was crawling on the streets in Paris, I was screaming. Jennifer was there, she had the time of her life. I’m quite wonderful to everybody that works for me… She slept in Egyptian cotton sheets every night, in five-star hotels, on private planes, eating caviar, partying with Terry Richardson all night, wearing my clothes, asking YSL to send her free shoes without my permission, using my YSL discount without my permission.”
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On being the ‘Queen of the Universe’:
Personal assistant’s claims: “She was very unhappy with her DVD collection. Which is another thing she would do in the middle of the night – wake me up to have me change the DVD in the DVD player because she didn’t want to watch that DVD any more and she couldn’t get up to walk across the room to change the DVD herself. She might have said I need some tea, can you get my computer for me, can you get my phone, my battery is dead, I need a tampon, the toilet doesn’t flush…”
Lady Gaga’s rebuttal: “She thinks she’s just like the Queen of the Universe. And, you know what? In my work and what I do, I’m the Queen of the Universe every day.”
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C’mon MTV, why isn’t this a reality show yet?