While You Were Sleeping, Donald Glover Poured Out His Soul Onto Hotel Stationery

Your best friends will be hosting the Golden Globes again

In great news for anyone who likes award shows, comedy and friendship, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler have just been confirmed as hosts of the next two (TWO!) Golden Globes. Their stint earlier this year, taking over from Ricky Gervais’s controversial hosting duties, earned the ceremony its highest ratings in six years, and, more importantly, launched a thousand GIFs like this:

Look forward to more of that kinda thing when the next Golden Globes take place on January 12, 2014.

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Donald Glover got super sad on Instagram while at some seedy Marriott

Sigh, haven’t we all. The loneliness of a sterile hotel room is naturally conducive to personal reflection, but generally those thoughts get muted with a few tiny Johnny Walkers from the mini bar. Glover, on the other hand, hit up the pencils and hotel papers of his room’s stationery desk, and penned his life in seven sheets.

Among the revelations were his reasons for leaving Community (“I didn’t leave Community to rap. I don’t wanna rap. I wanna be on my own.”); his distrust of modern contraceptive methods (“I’m scared my girl will get pregnant at not the exact time we want”); shame over his own sexual proclivities (“I’m scared people will find out what I masturbate to”); some fear that looks really bad without proper syntax (“I’m scared I’ll never grow out of Bro Rape”); and some other odd fears about Dan Harmon and poor Tyrese (“I’m afraid Dan Harmon hates me; I’m scared I’ll be Tyrese”).

“I fear that this will feel pretentious,” he also added. Well yeah, you just spent a few hours writing shit on paper and taking photos of it rather than just typing it straight to the internet, so that’s probably an accurate fear. Also, now everyone just wants to know what you masturbate to. Still, you can’t help but feel bad for the guy, who seems squarely in quarter-life crisis mode. Take it easy, Dong Lover/Troy Barnes/Childish Gambino, it gets better.

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Disney World is getting a whole Avatar section

For some reason (money), James Cameron’s magical world of Pandora is currently being turned into the newest attraction at Florida’s Disney World Resort (home of the new Simpsons Grease Attack Park), and some early images were just revealed at the D23 Expo in Tokyo (it’s like the G8 summit, but for Disney things).

Amongst “awe-inspiring floating mountains” and “a nighttime jungle of bioluminescent plants”, the park is also expected to feature a ride where you sexually plug your tail into a tree and everything looks like you’re on ecstasy. Fun for the whole family! It’s due to open in 2017, just in time for the second installment of Avatar‘s scheduled three sequels. Like I said, money.

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New Zealand’s Eleanor Catton won the Man Booker Prize

The 28-year-old author of the 832-page, “epic 19-century gold rush murder mystery” The Luminaries becomes the youngest winner in the competition’s history, as well as only the second New Zealander to take the prize. Head judge Robert Macfarlane said the decision was reached in just under two hours, and praised the work’s “knowledge and its poise.”

Expect it to be sold out at your local bookshop by this afternoon.

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Jessie Spano re-enacted her famous Saved By The Bell freakout scene on America’s Dancing With The Stars

A.C. Slater was watching from the audience front row! Unfortunately, Zack Morris, Kelly Kapowski, Lisa Turtle and Mr Belding were nowhere to be seen (and Screech was probably off making a porno somewhere).

And for ol’ time’s sake (sob!):

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