These Shannon Noll Valentine’s Day Cards Almost Make Up For The Great Injustice Of 2003

Valentine’s Day is less than a week away, and unless you plan on dying alone in an abandoned elevator shaft like me, you’re probably scrambling to find the perfect way to tell that special someone how you feel. If you live in Melbourne, some fetching and overtly sexual public transport-themed cards might be on your gift list, while the Darwin Bowls Club is hosting its own version of If You Are The One if men who are equal parts mosquito bites, severe sunburn and back-sweat are your thing.

For everyone else, though, there’s only one thing that’ll satisfy your partner: these cards some beautiful creature sent me in the mail.

Nollsy Valentines, which you can buy with actual money here, are capitalising on the recent wave of adoration that has carried 2003 Australian Idol runner-up Shannon Noll back into the national consciousness. Noll was announced as one of the headline acts of Ship-Wrecked! music festival a few days ago, and while he was callously left off the Groovin’ the Moo line-up earlier this year, knowing his beautiful goatee’d visage is warming the hearts and loins of Australian romantics everywhere this February 14 should cheer him up.

Each card comes with a special Shannon-centric message inside, as is right and proper. The only difficulty for the buyer is finding someone they love enough to bestow these beauties on, rather than keeping them for themselves.

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Order them for your one true love here.