Culture

We Regret To Inform You Jared Leto Will Play Hugh Hefner In A Brett Ratner Movie

This is surely a sign of the apocalypse.

Years from now, scholars will study 2017 and they will record it as: “The Year The Worst Film Ever Was Announced”. Because, regretfully, we need to inform you that three people who make you deeply uncomfortable are joining forces to create one unholy devil biopic.

In the wake of the death of publishing magnate Hugh Hefner, derided filmmaker Brett Ratner (who is perhaps most famous for his part in ruining the Dark Phoenix narrative in X-Men 3: The Last Stand) has announced that Jared Leto will portray Hef in Ratner’s upcoming Playboy biopic. Ew. Ew ew ew.

Yes, Method Actor Jared Leto, notorious for maybe (or maybe not?) sending used condoms to his scene partners on the set of Suicide Squad (cool, cool), will join with Brett Ratner, the man who once said “rehearsal’s for fags” (cool, cool), to make a biopic about a man who made being a perve a million-dollar payday. (Cool, cool.) There are many things that worry me about the contemporary world, but surely this mess of a movie is a concrete sign of the apocalypse. Right? Get your house in order, team, because our day of reckoning has arrived.

Reportedly Ratner has been trying to make his Hugh Hefner biopic since 2007, but renewed interest in the chequered life of the businessman since his death last week has allowed Ratner to finally get the film off the ground. So, if you’re already bored of reading people’s lukewarm takes on whether or not Hef was problematic… well, it’s going to just keep. going. on.

Leto, who reportedly partially blinded himself to prepare for his role in the upcoming Blade Runner 2049, which opens in cinemas tomorrow, is well-known for being a pretty weird and kinda probbo dude himself, so I guess… good casting, Ratner? Good, terribly on-the-nose, skin-crawly casting decision.

BTW, Ratner is also notorious for saying he “banged” Olivia Munn “before she was Asian”, and for bragging about sending an uncomfortably young Lindsay Lohan to get tested for STIs before he had oral sex with her. Gee, can’t imagine why this guy would want to team up with Jared Leto to lionise a man famous for stalking Marilyn Monroe, publishing her nude photographs in Playboy without her permission (and without compensation), and buying the burial plot next to hers (against her estate’s wishes) for the low, low price of $75,000.

I’m calling it: Hollywood is over. Shut it all down.