Culture

Ben Affleck’s Dick Makes A Cameo In ‘Gone Girl’, And The Media Is ON IT

BEN AFFLECK'S PENIS HAS PROVEN TO BE REAL, AND YOU CAN PAY TO SEE IT.

by Steph Harmon  2 October 2014

Want more Junkee in your life? Sign up to our newsletter, and follow us on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook so you always know where to find us.

David Fincher’s adaptation of Gillian Flynn’s 2012 best-selling novel, Gone Girl, hits Australian screens today. And so too does Ben Affleck’s penis.

Late in the film comes a shower scene that involves a micro-flash of full-frontal Affdick; a split second which has swept through the internet with as much enthusiasm, speed and all-caps as you’d expect: BEN AFFLECK’S PENIS HAS PROVEN TO BE REAL, AND YOU CAN PAY TO SEE IT.

As with anything that Twitter goes crazy for, the media has spent the last few days churning out take after take about #dickgate — although the moment itself is, by most accounts, fairly underwhelming. “I didn’t even notice it actually,” says Matt Akersten, editor of Australian queer site samesame, who saw the film on Monday night and happens to share an office with me. “That sounds bad, as if [Affleck’s penis] would be anything other than extraordinary. But I looked down at my popcorn and by the time my eyes came up, it was gone, girl.”

Here’s what the rest of the media is saying.

–

‘Is That Ben Affleck’s Dick Or What?‘ 

By: Gabrielle Bluestone for Gawker

Worth it for the headline alone, Bluestone quotes Affleck from an interview he gave to MTV, in which he confirmed that yes, it is his dick. “There’s some brief — very brief — nudity,” he said. “The penis is in there.” 

THE PENIS IS IN THERE.

In the full interview, Affleck goes into a little more depth. “I try to get it in every movie,” he jokes. “It’s ironic, because David [Fincher] said to me from the beginning, this is a warts and all movie. It can have no vanity. You have to see the naked underbelly of this character.”

Although he describes it as “very brief nudity”, Affleck is at pains not to undersell the moment. “It’s IMAX penis! You’ve gotta pay fifteen bucks to see it in 3D… it’s better in 3D.” 

Read it here.

–

‘How To See Ben Affleck’s Penis In Gone Girl‘

By: Kyle Buchanan for Vulture

According to Buchanan, there’s a strict gender divide when it comes to dong-spotting: “Nearly every guy I’ve spoken to is convinced with 100 percent certainty that the dong cameo is real, but almost every woman seemed to miss it.”

In either case, for either gender, Little Affleck is frustratingly difficult to catch a glimpse of, so he offers an hilariously detailed “spoiler-free, step-by-step guide to solving the biggest mystery of the fall moviegoing season.”

A mystery to be sure, but if you’re primed and ready, and know your cues — late in the movie, one character suggests Affleck takes a shower; this is when you LEAN THE FUCK FORWARD — you won’t miss it. “One method of concentration I’d suggest is to open your eyes very wide and emit a high-pitched, unnerving keen, in order to better block out dangerous and distracting external stimuli.”

He also reviews Ben Affleck’s butt: “Is it not fine? Smooth, supple, and tinted olive by director of photography Jeff Cronenweth? It is a good ass. The people nod in assent, knowing this in their hearts to be true.”

Read it here.

–

‘I’ve Seen Been Affleck’s Dick And This Is What It Looks Like‘

By: Rich Juzwlak for Gawker

In this piece, the author takes a step back from the hot takes circulating the web, instead trying to cast a critical eye over the appendage itself and the screentime it receives.

“It’s on screen for no longer than a second, and it’s a dark scene with the kind of blue hue that director David Fincher often uses,” he writes. “The camera swings around from Affleck’s ass to reveal…something. The dick sits under what looked like a ball of pubic hair from the ’70s, and it’s shrouded in a shadow. It’s soft, obviously. I don’t think you see the head because of the way it’s framed. It looks like it could be five inches or ten inches. Who knows? The reveal of Ben Affleck’s dick is the definition of a cock tease. You’re given just enough to want more.”

While Juzwlak was left “reeling from the dick”, unable to take in the details, he quotes his viewing companion, who describes himself as “impressed”. “He’s a big guy, and from what I can tell, he’s got a big, circumcised dick. Give it a couple of weeks when it’s screen-shot-able. The proof will be in the pudding.”

IN THE PUDDING.

Read it here. (NSFW)

–

‘Yes, Gone Girl Has Penis‘

By: Adam B. Vary, for Buzzfeed

In a noble quest to present the story with a new angle, Buzzfeed’s Adam B. Vary looks closely at another scene, and another peen: that belonging to Neil Patrick Harris.

Earlier in the film, Harris disrobes for some “shockingly intense” sex. “At the end of the scene, Harris is splayed completely nude on the bed, shot from above,” Vary writes. “The nature of the scene means that his penis is somewhat difficult to make out, but several BuzzFeed reporters who have seen the film are certain there is full NPH peen.” They approached Fox for a comment, who “cannot confirm or deny”.

Read it here.

–

‘Ben Affleck Goes Full-Frontal In Gone Girl, Confronting One Of Cinema’s Last Taboos‘

By: Marlow Stern for Daily Beast

Being Daily Beast, this piece draws a fairly long bow, attempting to cast the flash of peen as “a watershed moment” in the history of cinema. Stern refers to Laura Mulvey’s canonised 1975 essay ‘Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema’, and throws around terms like “the male gaze” — “the voyeuristic aspect of cinema-watching, or the “look,” is typically viewed as an active male role, while the passive role of being looked at is a female one” — ending with a half-baked attempt to tie the peen shot into a long-running conversation about Game of Thrones and True Blood.

“Ben Affleck: We salute you,” the piece ends. “And Hollywood: Please, take note.”

Read it here.

–

‘Does Ben Affleck Go Full-Frontal In Gone Girl? Michael Fassbender’s Penis Responds‘ 

By: Mark Lisanti, for Grantland

Grantland wins this war hands down, offering an exclusive interview with “Grantland’s special correspondent for celebrity-genitalia matters”: Michael Fassbender’s Penis.

Have you heard about Ben Affleck’s penis in Gone Girl?

I’m a little offended you would even ask. I cover my beat, just like you do.

The interview traverses all the ground you would expect: Is it really Ben Affleck’s penis? Is Ben Affleck’s penis selling out? Is it worth the hype?

And, perhaps most interestingly: Is Michael Fassbender’s penis feeling threatened?

“Let me put it this way,” MFP answers. “When I’m in a movie, people know. There are no questions about it. I make an impression. I’m on all the blogs. In the papers. People from Entertainment Tonight are waving microphones at me. There’s no “Is he or isn’t he?” to it.

“And in all the things I’ve heard and read, not one has used the word “enormous.” This doesn’t seem to be another Jon Hamm situation.

“So am I worried? Does the cobra fear the earthworm?”

–

Gone Girl is in cinemas now. To read our actual review, head here.