Music

Australia Is Competing In Eurovision Again For Some Wonderful, Dumb Reason!

Somewhere, Shannon Noll is furiously sweating over a phone.

by Meg Watson  17 November 2015

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The announcement that we’d be competing in the Eurovision Song Contest earlier this year was one of those rare and inexplicable wins you sometimes stumble across in this life. It was the high distinction you got on an exam you didn’t study for. It was the cake your housemate baked for no apparent reason. If you ask too many questions, it could get taken away from your at any second. People realise their mistakes. Housemates eventually reveal the smashed laptops they’ve stood on.

Now, for whatever ridiculous reason, it’s happened again. At their latest program launch in Sydney this afternoon, SBS’ content directors have announced Australia will once again be officially included in the competition for the 2016 show.

“Next year in Stockholm, Australia will be competing from the semi-finals, fighting it out with 41 other nations and SBS will announce in the New Year who the lucky artist will be,” the network said in a statement to The Sydney Morning Herald.

I suggest we just take it and run. We’re part of Europe. We’ve sacrificed Guy Sebastian to the Motherland in exchange for one night of drinking games and glitter. Princess Mary has convinced Channel Ten’s evil Danish Queen to adopt us. Whatever you need to think to shut your face and accept it. WE NEED THIS.

Of course, Australia was incredibly well supported at Eurovision earlier this year and our entrant Guy Sebastian scored fifth place. Many of the other 39 countries loved his original song ‘Tonight Again’ and were bewitched by his peppy fedora/pocket square combo long enough to entirely forget we weren’t part of Europe.

Following on from this, 2014 Eurovision winner Conchita Wurst threw further support behind Australia just last week. Speaking to 774 ABC Melbourne she said, “I’m by your side, definitely”. “I think [Australia staying in the contest] is just necessary, basically.”

It’s not yet clear whether this is what ended up convincing the organisers to bring us back. Similarly, there’s been no word yet from Shannon Noll about his inevitable inclusion in next year’s competition.

For now, a nation lays in wait.