OK, Now I’m On WitchTok. Please Don’t Hex Me
I’m not sure how or why it happened, but I’ve found my way onto WitchTok. Have I been lured in by the TikTok witches?
A few days ago I found myself on NunTok, which was a very wild place for an ex-Catholic school girlie to be. Now, I’ve found myself on WitchTok. The irony that Catholicism led me to witchcraft is not lost on me — I, too, have shimmied down the repressed Western Sydney /Hills District church kid to progressive Inner West adult pipeline.
What led me to WitchTok was a TikTok video by user Alex Biron — a comedian who mostly does prank calls — who was giving a two-week update after he challenged the witches of TikTok to hex him. Honestly, it looks like it worked. No offence Alex, but you look a bit rough.
In his update video, Alex is still adamant that the witches have nothing to do with his eye which has started to turn red. He says — in a humorous manner — that it has nothing to do with “magic” because he spoke to a doctor that told him that it’s a “sudden anomaly that he hasn’t seen before that’s not responding to medicine in the usual ways”.
He posted another video where he says that he has “extreme fatigue” and technical difficulties with his computer. Then a “bird” flies into his window before he says that he’s going to open packages sent by witches. If you’ve watched as many horror movies as I have, you’d know that birds flying into windows is not the best sign.
Is it all satire? Is it just a publicity stunt to get people to go to his stand-up comedy show? Perhaps. But that’s not really the point because Alex isn’t the star of this story. The witches are.
What Is WitchTok?
WitchTok is filled with many videos of so-called witches either talking about crystal healing, energy cleansing, elemental manipulation, and Florida Water — and no, it’s not water bottled from Florida like I thought it was.
People are also documenting how their spiritual journey turned into a witchcraft journey. Very inspiring stuff.
There’s also Mami Onami, who claims to be the strongest witch in North America. Big claim and hard to substantiate but pop off I guess. Mami claims to have “mastered” white magic, black magic, and red magic.
WitchTok Australia is also a thing, and it’s nice to know we have local witches. My favourite video is from Witchywitchywooh who showed fellow Aussies all the things you can find in Kmart that are useful for witchcraft. Didn’t know Kmart was such fertile ground for magic but it makes sense. I do feel like I’ve entered through a portal when I go to Kmart.
What all this has taught me is that it doesn’t matter if I think the witches of TikTok are real or not or whether Alex really has been hexed. What matters is that I do not, under any circumstances, want to mess with WitchTok. I don’t have time to get hexed. Maybe they can try to send good vibes my way?
As you were, witches.
Ky is a proud Kamilaroi and Dharug person and writer at Junkee. Follow them on X.
Image credit: 20th Century Fox / Disney