Trump Has Accused Ted Cruz’s Dad Of Trying To Kill JFK Because ARRRGH This Election Is Terrible

Donald Trump and Ted Cruz, the top candidates for the Republican presidential nomination in both your nightmares and our current lived reality, today duked it out at the polls in Indiana. It was a huge moment for Trump in particular; as he’s already convincingly swept up a number of other states, a win here would practically ensure him the nomination. Perhaps because of that, the usual levels of crazy were turned up to 11.

In an interview with Fox News this morning, Trump outright accused Ted Cruz’s father (a preacher and notable public figure) of conspiring to assassinate JFK with Lee Harvey Oswald. This information was not solicited. He did not provide a source. It was just casually dropped into conversation like this nationally-televised interview with a likely Presidential nominee was an IRL Reddit thread.

“[He] was with Lee Harvey Oswald prior to Oswald’s being, you know, shot,” Trump said. “And nobody even brings it up, I mean, they don’t even talk about that. That was reported, and nobody talks about it. But I think it’s horrible.”

As many have since noted, the “report” he mentions is in fact from the National Enquirer — a tabloid with a spectacular reputation for false stories which is run by a close friend of his. It’s also far from being the first time he’s taken advantage of patently unreliable media.

Nevertheless, Cruz came out on the defensive giving the press a definitive statement that “this is nuts”. “This is not a reasonable position. This is just kooky,” he said.

Good so far.

“And while I’m at it, I guess I should go ahead and admit yes my dad killed JFK, he is secretly Elvis and Jimmy Hoffa is buried in his backyard.”

Oh no.

Though his points were valid, it’s probably not a great idea for a man who’s publicly believed to be the Zodiac killer to get up on stage and start “sarcastically” listing other famous conspiracy theories he’s “not” connected to. Meanwhile, this insane debate has overshadowed much of the actual issues from the Indiana electorate and Trump has swept his way to an easy victory. Denying being a notorious murderer or being related to a notorious murderer could legitimately be Ted Cruz’s single achievement in this race.

Can’t wait to see what Trump will bring to the next round of the campaign trail!