Tom Gleeson Roasted The Absolute Crap Out Of Melbourne In The Latest Ep Of His Fake Tourism Show

"Melbourne would be a great place to see if it hadn't disappeared up its own arse."

Gleeson Melbourne

Comedian Tom Gleeson has roasted the crap out of Melbourne in the latest edition of his fake tourism segment on The Weekly. And while as a Melburnian I am duty bound to defend my fair city, you can’t argue with facts.

“Melbourne, a city where a haircut can make up over 80 percent of someone’s personality”, Gleeson begins. “Melbourne is the cultural heart of Australia, in the same way that a turd is the heart of a turd sandwich.”

He goes on to highlight some of the Victorian capital’s biggest attractions, including our shitty weather, our obsession with football and that stupid fucking ferris wheel that never works.

Gleeson also drags us for our public transport system, and the fact that we still don’t have a train to the airport, joking that “you can sit in traffic for hours just like all the no-hopers that live here”.

At least he’s willing to concede that our coffee is good. It has to be “to distract you from the full-body agony of sitting on milk crates”.