Culture

The Paris Butt Plug Is Dead. Vive La Paris Butt Plug.

Good night, sweet butt plug, and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.

by Alex McKinnon  20 October 2014

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The great nation of France is in mourning today, after reports emerged that the iconic Christmas tree butt plug erected in Paris’ Place Vendôme by American artist Paul McCarthy has been deflated by authorities. The much-loved artwork was vilely desecrated when vandals “severed the cables that hold the sculpture in place”, according to police in a dodgy English translation of a French-language news article.

Upon hearing of the damage McCarthy decided not to re-inflate the work because he “was worried about potential trouble if the work was put back up”. Considering a Parisian slapped him in the face a couple of times when the piece was unveiled, that’s probably a fair reaction. Reports are unclear on whether said Parisian challenged McCarthy to a duel, but we can probably assume that yes, he did.

So the noble plug was deflated once and for all, despite the vigorous protestations of Paris’ deputy mayor Bruno Julliard, who said the decision to take the exhibit down brought “shame and humiliation for France” and “the fools who have degraded it”, and who sounds like a legend. The once-proud structure, rising majestically towards the heavens like God’s own sex toy, dribbled into a sad green puddle and was unceremoniously removed.

But all is not lost. A mysterious French folk tale, passed on from grandmother to granddaughter since the Old Times, says that in the hour of France’s direst need, the butt plug will return to defend her from great peril. Until then the good people of France can only wait. And hope.

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Feature image via @Flosh.