Culture

You Simply Must Play This ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ About Working On RuPaul’s Fracking Ranch

And don't frack it up!

by Jared Richards  7 May 2020
Choose your own adventure game sees you to work at RuPaul's fracking ranch

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Though it feels like ancient news, the world only learnt that RuPaul was fracking on his Wyoming ranch in March. And now, Twitter user @AlexPattyy has created a ‘choose your own adventure’ thread about your first day ‘werkin’ for the oil tycoon/drag legend.

Inspired by a viral 2019 Twitter choose your own adventure thread about being Beyoncé’s assistant, @AlexPattyy’s thread sees you select from several options via quote tweets and tweet replies — first up, picking between putting on a Hermes helmet or a Wigs by Vanity headshell, as seen on Milk in AS3.

Survive your first choice, and you’ll have to deliver tea, coffee or a tic-tac smoothie to Ru. Hot tip: don’t choose black coffee, lest she ask “why it gotta be black??” and throw hot coffee in your face before firing you.

What follows is an absolute delight, filled with deep cut Drag Race references and meticulous use of gifs and images from Ru’s multi-decade career, featuring cameos from Tammie Brown’s finding a dead body YouTube video, RuPaul’s fellow TERF J.K. Rowling, Delta Work and much, much more.

This is a Twitter user unafraid to reference, or to not reference. You could even say that this thread is talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show-stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before.

In case you need a refresher, RuPaul outed herself as a fracker on NPR’s Fresh Air with Terry Gross while discussing what she does on her 60,000 acre farm.

“[Well] a modern ranch, 21st century ranch, is really land management,” RuPaul says. “It is – you lease the mineral rights to oil companies. And you sell water to oil companies. And then you lease the grazing rights to different ranchers. So it’s land management. Yeah.”

RuPaul is describing, in part, fracking —  the process of drilling into the ground via high-pressure gas to uncover minerals and fossil fuels, potentially contaminating groundwater sources with carcinogenic chemicals in the process. And creating tremors and Earthquakes too (you can read more here). In short, it’s terrible for the environment and mighty controversial — and if Joe Biden is elected US president, he promises to ban it.

RuPaul hasn’t commented on his ranch since the interview.

In the meantime, you can destroy it from the inside. Find the thread below, and follow along with our Season 12 recaps of RuPaul’s Drag Race.