Matthew Perry Emerges As Only Person On Earth Who Has Beef With Keanu Reeves
"Why is it that the original thinkers like River Phoenix and Heath Ledger die, but Keanu Reeves still walks among us?"
Matthew Perry has apparently cursed Keanu Reeves’ existence in his new memoir. A bold move, if there ever was one!
The Friends alumnus didn’t mince words about what he thought about the beloved actor, reportedly stating in his new memoir Friends, Lovers, and the Big, Terrible Thing.
“Why is it that the original thinkers like River Phoenix and Heath Ledger die, but Keanu Reeves still walks among us?” I’m sorry, what? Is Matthew Perry upset that … beloved actor and man of the people Keanu Reeves is alive? What on earth is his beef?
Sir, you can be upset that River Phoenix and Heath Ledger were taken too soon without being mad that Keanu Reeves is alive, ok? Please don’t do this.
Perry dropped a bunch of other unsolicited revelations in his memoir, including the fact that he apparently made out with his Sydney co-star Valerie Bertinelli while her husband at the time, the late Eddie Van Halen, was reportedly passed out a couple of metres away. That’s great, Matthew. Thanks for letting us know.
Reeves is reportedly mentioned once more when Perry writes about the death of actor and comedian Chris Farley, who also battled addiction: “His disease had progressed faster than mine had. Plus, I had a healthy fear of the word ‘heroin,’ a fear we did not share),” the memoir reads. “I punched a hole through Jennifer Aniston’s dressing room wall when I found out.” That’s right, Jennifer Aniston, you guys! From Friends!
“Keanu Reeves walks among us,” he reiterates. “I had to promote Almost Heroes two weeks after [Farley] died; I found myself publicly discussing his death from drugs and alcohol. I was high the entire time.”
I don’t know who needs to know this (cc: Matthew Perry), but the phenomenon that is Keanu Reeves being alive has got nothing to do with River Phoenix, Health Ledger, and Chris Farley being taken too soon, unless he is the Grim Reaper himself! Wait, is Keanu Reeves the Grim Reaper? We’d assume not, but we’d be remiss not to investigate.
More to come.
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