Culture

Junk Explained: What Exactly Is A ‘Hot Couch Guy’?

Everybody knows one.

Hot Couch Guy

Hey, there’s a new baffling term that’s sweeping the internet and making you feel scared and angry. Where did it come from? What does it mean? Is my scary step-son Todd gonna laugh at me when I use it badly in a sentence? Don’t worry, here’s what we know about the Hot Couch Guy.

In much the same baffling vein as Big Dick Energy, Hot Couch Guy is not so much a specific person, but an archetype. Everybody has experienced some variance of the Hot Couch Guy, and once you recognise their specific energy, you’ll immediately realise the Hot Couch Guy in your life. There could be a Hot Couch Guy sitting near you… right now.

It’s important to note that this guy is not hot — or more pertinently he could be, but his hotness is not important. The “hot” modifies the couch. The couch is hot.

Basically, the concept is that weird dodgy dude who owns a shitty warm couch, but for some reason you were always at their place. Picture cracked vinyl and faux-leather, goon-stained carpet, a roof discoloured by tobacco smoke, old chunky TVs used as coffee tables, yellow copies of On The Road on the floor next to the toilet, surrounded by a penumbra of pubes and dust.

The term was coined on the podcast Chapo Trap House, but like all memes, evolved and mutated.

The variations are almost infinite — does this dude have white dreadlocks? Does he put on electro-jazz every night? Is Rick and Morty always playing in the corner?

There’s also other versions of the hot couch itself, such as the perpetually moist mattress, or the kitchen drawer full of hot rotten onions.

My hot couch guy had an oven with a melted basketball in it.

There are other signs and portents of a hot couch guy. Vertical blinds! Shag carpets!

The thing about the Hot Couch Guy is that he’s extremely hospitable. He’s usually a pretty nice guy, who just loves his cracked and worn and sweat-slippery couch, and wants you to sit on it and do hits from his bucket-bong. It’s… kinda nice that he wants to share his horrible house with you, I guess?

Maybe it’s not a universal concept, but I’ve known several.

Food for thought.