Culture

You Haven’t Seen Petty Christmas Revenge Until You’ve Seen These Dragons

This story has it all.

by Joseph Earp  17 December 2018
dragon christmas

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Listen, I know some people reckon that revenge is a dish best served cold, but unless it’s a dish served with dragons, I’m not particularly interested.

Admittedly, the world is light on dragon-related revenge stories and has been for some time, which is why we should all rejoice at the tale being spread over Twitter by author/dragon enthusiast Diana Rowland.

It all began when Rowland began decorating her front yard with excellent, colourful dragon ornaments. “My husband gave me the first dragon as a birthday present in 2015, a few weeks before Halloween,” Rowland told Junkee. “I took it down after Halloween then put it back up for Christmas — complete with Santa hat, sparkly garlands, and big red bows.”

Obviously a Christmas dragon is exceptionally badass, and Rowland’s neighbours really should have basked in all of that sheer, awesome energy. But instead, one bad apple took umbrage with Rowland.

“Dear Neighbour,” reads the note. “Your dragon display is only marginally acceptable at Halloween.”

Strong opening.

“It is totally inappropriate at Christmas. It makes me wonder if you are involved in a demonic cult. Please consider removing the dragons. May God bless you and help you to know the true meaning of Christmas.”

Seriously, who could possibly have a problem with an army of decorative dragons? Dragons are, for the record: A) Noble and wise creatures, B) Badass as all hell, and C): Significantly less aesthetically offensive than a lot of the ornamental shit boomers use to decorate their front yard.

Now, human beings are social creatures, custom-built to avoid confrontation, so nobody would have been able to blame Diana if she quietly, bashfully pulled down her dragon display.

Indeed, I think that’s what the ruling share of us might have done in the situation. After all, who wants to have friction with their neighbours, particularly over something as seemingly trivial as garden ornaments? It’d be easier to retire the dragons and put up a horny Santa ornament, better to fit with the season.

But Diana, defender of all that is right and true and dragonish, boldly refused to back down.

Instead, to her eternal credit,  she stuck to her guns, and the next day, her boring-ass neighbour awoke to discover a truly awesome sight.

Look at those resplendent dragons. Look at their rebellious pose; the look of considered, anti-authoritarian, take-no-prisoners might in their glassy eyes. These, gentle reader, are dragons who refuse to go down without a fight.

“I actually don’t know who [sent the letter],” Rowland said. “The letter came via the postal service, with a return address of ‘neighbor’. I think it has to be someone fairly new to the neighborhood, considering how long we’ve been putting up a dragon-themed Christmas display, but even if I knew who sent it, I doubt I would confront them.

“I think simply making the display even more dragon-tastic is all the response I need!”

The internet has been understandably delighted with the story. Gleeful punters even immediately offered to set up Rowland a GoFundMe so that she might strengthen her scaly brood.

But Rowland understands that instead of amassing more dragons, she can instead honour the very dragon spirit itself by directing her followers to donate some cash to their preferred charity.

What a goddamn legend.