A Completely Objective List Of The Best Pokemon Of All Time
In the quest to be the very best, it helps if you have the very best. So without further ado, here are the six objectively best Pokemon in existence. I will not be accepting constructive criticism.
In the eternal quest to be the very best, it helps if you have the very best. But, just like Tinder, finding the best Pokemon can get confusing when there are over 800 options to choose from.
Though we are urged to “catch ’em all”, Pokemon trainers constantly curate their Pokemon collections. There are but six openings on a trainer’s team, after all, and not every Weedle and Wobbuffet can make the cut.
As much as you might say you love them all, most of your pocket monsters will never see the sky again once condemned to their PC prisons.
But I am not here to talk about the harsh reality of the Pokeworld, or your moral failings. I am here to help you choose the most worthy Pokemon to fill those half-dozen coveted positions. These limited spaces should not be wasted on any mere Pidgey, or even the top percentage of Rattatas. Only the most excellent Pokemon deserve the honour of standing by your side.
Fortunately for you, I have done the hard work of whittling down the hundreds of candidates to find those outstanding few.
So without further ado, and in no particular order, here is a list of the six objectively best Pokemon in existence. I will not be accepting constructive criticism.
Yamper
No: Unknown
Type: Electric
We don’t currently know much about this electric yippy boy, but Yamper’s sunny disposition has already fetched the hearts of Pokemon fans worldwide. A new addition to the Pokemenagerie, this heart-butted, lightning-tailed child is due to arrive in November’s upcoming Pokemon Sword and Shield.
Even lacking information, nobody with any sense of taste could disagree that Yamper is one of the best Pokemon of all time. Just look at their little face. They’re so happy to see you.
Houndour
No: 228
Type: Dark/Fire
Houndour is Lawful Neutral. They believe in order and loyalty, and would be the type of person who becomes a lawyer so they can prosecute cops. They’re also very good at teamwork, and can recognise that the mission takes priority over personal glory. Not that they’re in it for the glory. They’re just here for the justice. Like Batman.
Houndour is what I imagine a hellhound might look like. I mean, come on. They have straight up skulls on their heads.
Poochyena
No: 261
Type: Dark
Poochyena may seem tough, but it’s all show. They’re that guy who rides a Harley and covers his tattoo sleeves with a black leather jacket, then goes home to watch Toy Story 3 while eating strawberry ice cream straight from the tub. According to the Pokedex, Poochyena is persistent in chasing down a target but will run away if their prey strikes back, because it is a big baby.
The Pokedex also states that Poochyena will eat anything. Same.
Herdier
No: 507
Type: Normal
Herdier looks like what would happen if your angry prospector grandpa turned into a dog, like Tim Allen in the horrifying 2006 Disney film The Shaggy Dog. Granted, I have not seen the film. I have however seen its poster, and now my nightmares exclusively star Tim Allen’s eyes photoshopped onto a Bearded Collie.
Herdier evolves from Lillipup, a Pokemon that always looks as though it has just taken a banana cream pie to the face.
Furfrou
No: 676
Type: Normal
Furfrou’s half-lidded red eyes emit the judging aura of a sophisticated French socialite. If Pokemon could talk, Furfrou would say things like, “You’ve decided to wear that?” and, “Talk to my assistant.” This Pokemon knows its place, and that place is several atmospheric layers above everyone else.
Furfrou seems a lot happier when you trim their coat into some frankly wild styles. I would have thought they wouldn’t appreciate it at all having seen the options. Then again, fashion is far from my forte.
Rockruff
No: 744
Type: Rock
Rockruff is the perfect companion to cheer you up when the depression hits. Their wide blue eyes and soft brown paws say, “I believe and trust in you, and I won’t judge you for getting UberEats Maccas for the fifth night in a row.” They’re the perfect companion for an existential panic cuddle, provided you can navigate the sharp rocks around their neck.
Rockruff also has an excellent sense of smell, which may be some incentive for you to get out of bed and finally take a shower.