A Deep Dive Into The Erotic, Wholesome World Of ASMR Fandoms

It’s humid in Kentucky, where full-time ASMR specialist LindseyTingles — not her real name — is relaxing after a long day of answering emails and responding to comments. “It’s like walking in hot soup,” she laughs.

Tingles’ videos, which she uploads regularly to YouTube and monthly to Patreon, are astonishingly varied in both form and function. She is part of the wave of ASMR creators taking over video-sharing websites, contributing to a sub-genre of content that includes everything from role-play to boot-crushing to leather-fondling to cigarette-smoking.

The bread-and-butter of Tingles’ channel incorporates the last two fetishes. In her latest video, ‘ASMR No Talking, Driving while Dangling Cigarette’ she sits in her car, the filter of a smoke gripped between her lips, the open road visible in the reflection of her large aviators. In one of her most popular uploads, ‘ASMR Exotic Pet Shop RP while Smoking a Cigar with Holder’, she lets her pet spider run across her hands. She unboxes boots, does her make-up, and makes earrings out of clay. Occasionally, she role-plays, taking on the stern authority of an English teacher, or the sheen of friendliness of a home shopping announcer.

Her voice alternates between the deep whisper that defines ASMR videos, and the chirpy, friendly tones she uses in her popular livestreamed ‘Q&A’ videos. She talks about her life; her fans; the goings-on in her small town; the weather. The affect she projects is one of easy, uncomplicated comfort. She knows many of her commenters by name, and replies to the long emails that they send her.

Tingles is married, though her husband doesn’t watch her content, nor do most of her family and friends. She doesn’t mind. For them, the ASMR videos are like “nails on a chalkboard”; they are resistant to the whispering, and the tapping, and the stroking of leather.

This is her job, and it is an unusually demanding one. Tingles spends about “three-fourths” of her time thinking about her channel, she says; coming up with new ideas for videos, talking to her fans, writing ideas for content down in a notebook that she keeps close. “When I’m with my daughter or with my family, it doesn’t even begin to enter my mind,” she says.

“But you don’t get family time all the time. Whenever it’s just me, I’m always thinking about what I’m going to make, and how I am going to make it. And there’s a lot of talking to people — constant emails and messages throughout the day.” She laughs. “Which I love. I’m happy that it takes up that much of my life.”

ASMR: Tingles All Over

ASMR, which stands for autonomous sensory meridian response, is that tingle some — but not all of us — get when hearing particular sounds, especially whispering, stroking, or crackling. The sensation typically begins in the scalp before moving down the body, leaving euphoria in its wake. It’s a kind of high, an embodied sensation of pleasure that has been reported as feeling like television static rippling over the skin.

An affinity for ASMR usually begins in childhood — as The Conversation notes, it can be activated by “lice checks at school, or when playing the guessing game of ‘what letter am I tracing on your back?'” But despite the widespread popularity of ASMR trigger content, researchers are largely in the dark as to what causes it, or why tolerance for the sensation varies so wildly across populations. As LindseyTingles points out, for every fan of ASMR there is a person who is left unmoved by the sound of whispering, deep in their ear, or even repelled by it.

What we do know is that ASMR triggers activate the “prefrontal cortex that deals with social behavior and the reward system brain regions”, leading some researchers to label it a form of basic empathy, an evolutionary quirk related to the pleasure we get when seeking out connections with others. That’s why “close personal attention” — the feeling that someone is talking to you and only to you — is a common ASMR trigger. It’s the intimacy of reaching out into the void and encountering a human voice, quivering, ready for you to take.

Indeed, because of this intimacy, there is an overlap between ASMR communities and fetish sub-cultures — erotic ASMR is increasing in popularity by the day, and tingles can be triggered by sexually explicit and sexually adjacent content. Just as fetishes remind us that there are others who find the same things erotic as we do, ASMR has a unifying aspect. It is a way of establishing connection, reminding us of our essential mutability. As the poet Forrest Gander once wrote of intimacy, ASMR helps us realise “our identity, all identity, is combinatory.”

For this reason, ASMR fans often develop close, parasocial relationships with content creators, not uncommon to the connection that some consumers of pornography feel with the stars whose videos they regularly watch. In the alienating world of social media, ASMR makes its consumers feel seen for all that they are, even those parts of themselves that social norms tell us to keep private, and hidden away. In its directness, ASMR says: you are not alone. In its directness, ASMR says: here I am. Here is what feels good for me. Does it feel good for you too?

“Are You Addicted Yet?”

Tingles’ smoking videos are astonishingly simple. In most of them, she doesn’t talk. She lights and smokes her cigarettes with a notable purpose; each drag enjoyed, each tap of the butt shown off for the camera. In the comments section, Tingles’ fans mull over her obvious pleasure, and share their own desires.

It’s a kind of high, an embodied sensation of pleasure that has been reported as feeling like television static rippling over the skin.

“I’ve heard a lot of stories,” Tingles explains. “It’s an aspect of smoking fetish — people want to know your story, and also share theirs. For example, someone said that they had a housekeeper growing up, and they saw the housekeeper’s young daughter sneaking off to the side and smoking, and they were really young when they saw that and it stuck with them.

“I guess it’s taboo, and that in itself is fetish-y. It spurs that in people.”

Tingles’ fans have questions. They are almost always politely worded, but they speak to a deep curiosity; an overwhelming desire to know more. They want to know how she started smoking; how many cigarettes she goes through a day; whether she enjoys being addicted.

“I enjoyed smoking socially, and then when everything with corona happened, I started smoking more,” she says. “Now I’m an actual smoker. I think definitely the channel helped me explore my smoking fetish, because I definitely enjoy watching men and women smoke, and the act of the smoke coming out of the mouth, and the way it moves, is very attractive to me. So I totally respect and understand why people want to watch videos like that, because I want to watch videos like that.

“People call it your smoking journey. People say, ‘I like watching your smoking journey develop.’ I think it’s a story unfolding for them.”

Occasionally, a commenter will bring up the impact smoking has on one’s health. Sometimes, these comments appear to speak to a deep desire for Lindsey to flourish; a concern for her well-being. Other times, they are clearly part of a fetish — there is some palpable enjoyment taken in watching a habit slip out of control.

Tingles doesn’t appreciate the latter type of comments, which she notes are rare. “Most smoking fetishists that I have spoken to, don’t actually like thinking about the health aspect of it. They’re more like the way I see it — the smoke, the fire, the burning tobacco, the getting of satisfaction from it. For example, the first cigarette of the morning: people ask a lot about that. Because it’s really satisfying to have your first cigarette of the morning. They like that feeling.

“I have gotten comments from people who want to know how the smoke feels in my lungs, and I shut those down pretty quickly. I don’t like the idea of being unhealthy. It’s a choice that I made for myself that I don’t want to speak in-depth in negative terms with people for their obvious sexual arousal, because it’s not a fetish I get. I only stick to things I kind of understand. But I’m always trying to understand more.”

Everything Is A Fetish

Over the years that Tingles has run her channel, she has been introduced to a range of different desires, each distinct, each carefully and deliberately shared. Some surprise her — she has had “multiple” commenters express their desire to be hypnotised. Others ask to be shrunk down to doll-house size and placed in a handbag. “It’s wanting to let go of every responsibility you have as an adult,” Tingles says. “You want every aspect of your needs to be taken care of.”

Tingles does have her boundaries, and she refuses to make videos showing off fetishes that she does not personally share. She worries that otherwise, she would make insincere content; that her fans would be able to see that her heart wasn’t in it.

They want to know how she started smoking; how many cigarettes she goes through a day; whether she enjoys being addicted.

Because of her love for insects, for instance, she finds that she attracts people that are into “crushing” — the practice of watching people in boots and heels stomp on bugs, or items of food.

Tingles is careful never to chastise those who want her to explore such fetishes, even as she shuts them down. “I’ll be like, ‘it’s fair enough to ask, but it’s not really my thing.'” she explains. “But I don’t ever try to shame someone for asking for something.”

And anyway, Tingles gets the sense that her fans like these boundaries; that they gain something from knowing that she has lines that will not be crossed. Though she self-identifies as “something of an introvert”, she believes that she can come across as a dominant personality, and that this works to the advantage of all parties.

“I think a lot of people who have smoking and leather fetishes are more on the subdued side,” she says. “So if I ever feel pushed by somebody in an e-mail or a DM, I’ll shut it down. And it’s really interesting because they will always apologise. It’s a kind of perfect set-up. They don’t get aggressive back. They usually apologise for pushing too much and totally back off.”

Recently, Tingles agreed to film a custom video for an eager fan. Before the video was filmed, they discussed what the fan wanted, and carefully decided what would be shown. “I agreed to what I would be comfortable with,” Tingles says.

After these rules were set, the fan came back with a further request; they wanted the content “pushed just a little more.” Tingles immediately shut the fan down. “I was like, ‘absolutely not, I will do what we agreed on.'” But rather than reacting with disappointment, the fan seemed pleased. “They just wanted to see if I would do more,” Tingles explains. “It felt like a test.

“No shame to women or men who have OnlyFans accounts,” Tingles says. “I’m totally cool with that. But my subscribers must want a level of boundaries because you could get anything from so many places online. I think they like the structure.”

“These Are My Friends”

ASMR is only growing in popularity. YouTube is awash with videos satisfying every type of desire, from vaping to beer-drinking to complex role-plays in which people pretend to be mid-century nurses, gently whispering sweet nothings into the ears of people dying of the plague. Comparatively, Tingles’ fanbase is mid-sized. She racks up thousands of views on her videos, sure, but some popular creators get millions. She calls her channel “a baby”.

But what Tingles has that these bigger creators don’t is a committed, engaged and strikingly wholesome fanbase. Tingles replies to most people, displaying a willingness to engage with every type of commenter, from those who want to talk fetishes to those who share more intimate details about their time spent out in the real world. “I’m interacting with so many introverts,” she says. “But they let their guard down, and I let my guard down. And we can kind of be open.”

One of her favourite commenters, an affable man named Dan, roleplays as an English gentleman from 1851 when communicating with her. He almost never lets the fantasy slip. The imaginary world is real to him, and to Tingles. Another regular participant in her chats and livestreams, Koos, sees himself as a father figure to Tingles; he calls her his “black sheep daughter”. Recently, he revealed that he had told his son about her content. As an older gentleman in his late ’60s, he was preparing for the eventuality that he might pass away, or that his health might decline; he wanted his son to get in touch with Tingles should anything happen, so that she would know where he had gone.

“It’s amazing the amount that I am in their lives and they are in mine,” Tingles says.

Another commenter showed his wife a video in which Tingles wore a pair of long, leather boots — shortly afterwards, they got in touch, trying to find out where they could buy a pair. “It’s amazing the amount that I am in their lives and they are in mine,” Tingles says.

But not everyone is so open about their fetishes. Commenters get in touch with Tingles asking to pay for her Patreon content discretely, so their wives and family members don’t find out how they spend their time on the internet. Sometimes, they talk to her with a distinct note of shame. She will occasionally get emails from male fans wondering if it’s “okay” that they want to wear women’s boots. These questions make her both happy and sad — she is glad that they are finally finding a community, and hurt that they have lived with a secret for so long.

“Whenever you have a fetish, it’s sometimes something from your childhood, or something that spurred it,” she explains. “But sometimes it’s just a preference. And I think being able to be honest about who you are and what you like is an extremely important part of being a human. You shouldn’t be judged for it.”

Tingles is at the centre of a community, a group of like-minded people who find something affirming in each other. Some of them are planning a meet-up with Tingles to go down in the United Kingdom next year; one fan is planning to fly all the way from Connecticut to attend. “A lot of [my fans] have formed friendships amongst themselves,” she explains. “I know that at least five or six of them share emails amongst each other. They have relationships with each other separate from conversations on the channel. It’s heartwarming to see them interact with each other.”

Sure, one in every four hundred comments will overstep the line. Once, when Tingles revealed that a house down the road from hers was for sale, a fan got in touch to say they had found out how much it was selling for. Another time, a particularly industrious commenter discovered the band that Tingles had formed in college, and revealed that he had listened to her music. “It was sweet because they said [the music] was okay,” Tingles says, “but it was humiliating, because I know they’ve heard songs I recorded ten years ago.”

And there are those who talk to her with a sense of “entitlement”; who assume that because they are paying for her content, she owes them something. “I don’t like that,” she says. “For me, people who are rude to other people…that’s the least attractive thing you can be.”

But for the most part, Tingles gets out what she puts into the channel; she responds with kindness and curiosity, so her fans do too. “Usually the line is good with people. Sometimes people cross it. But I don’t really care.”

Tingles wants her channel to grow — she actively works on getting her content out there, eager to have more viewers, and more fans. But she say that whatever happens, she will stay true to the people who have been there with her from the very beginning. “I know that no matter how big my channel gets that [community] will always be there,” she says.

“I was thinking a couple of weeks ago, should I get a job? Because I have a degree in graphic design. But I was like, ‘no. My channel takes up a lot of time.’ It’s very much my job. But it’s a job I completely love, and have real friendships from.” She laughs. “I feel really lucky.”

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Joseph Earp is a staff writer at Junkee. He tweets @JosephOEarp.