Essay writing is quite the art form. If we’re talking about the Year 4, pick three colours and try to colour in a koala kind of art.

Here’s what you’re probably expecting writing an essay to be like versus what it’s actually like.

Expectation: Getting Started Is The Hardest Part

Reality: The Whole Damn Essay Is The Hardest Part

Those procrastinators among us often convince ourselves that it’s totally fine to leave one day for the completion of an assignment — because once you actually start that essay, you’ll be able smash it out in one go.

This is almost never true. It isn’t until you actually start writing the essay that you realise how much you dislike writing essays, and it’s painful to know that you have to be essay-ing for the next eight hours straight.

Expectation: Writing About A Topic You Already Know About Is A Piece Of Cake

Reality: You Still Need To Find References For Every Single Fact You Already Know

It’s all fun and games when you get an essay topic on something that you’re already particularly interested in. That is, until you realise you can’t include any of the random facts you know without referencing a scholarly article.

I know that the purpose of a kettle is to boil water in an accessible jug – do I really need to say that Bill actually said it in his paper on Kitchen Essentials in 1995?

Expectation: Leaving Your Beloved Bibliography Until Last Because It’ll Take You No Time!

Reality: Panicking at 11:58pm About Whether You’re Meant To Use A Full Stop Or Comma After The Author’s Name

We’ve been writing bibliographies for years now, how hard could it actually be? Hard. We can never be quite sure where the brackets go, or the colons and commas. I guess, when you think about it, why on earth would our brains choose to store information about the difference between italics and quotations in a bibliography over Cardi B’s new lyrics? That’s right – it doesn’t. Maybe next time we’ll remember that and leave a solid three hours for our bibliographies? Nah.

Expectation: Submitting Your Essay Early To Make Life Easier

Reality: Living Life On The Edge and Submitting at 40 Seconds ’Til Midnight

“Golly, I’m definitely never leaving my essay until the last minute again – I don’t want to be emailing the Dean again on account of my late submissions. Early, stress-free starts it is for me now!”

Four weeks later.

“Hey Mr Dean, it’s your pal Claudia again (whoop)! So, funny story, this the 7^th time I missed the assignment deadline, but the silver lining is that I made a new PB — submitted it only 20 seconds over the cut-off time! I feel like you’d be high-fiving me right about now, sir?”

Expectation: Technology Is Amazing – Look How Fast You Can Type Your Assignment

Reality: Screw Technology

Being able to access the uni library from the comfort of your trackies, thanks to your trusty laptop, is definitely one of the perks to 21^st century uni life. It’s all fun and games until your computer fails and loses your entire essay just minutes before it is due.

Expectation: Essay Structure Is So Simple And Straightforward

Reality: “When Do I Start A New Paragraph?” 

You’d think finding content to write about would be the hardest part of the essay – that is, until you find yourself questioning the use of semicolons and wondering how many words should make up a sentence.

Expectation: Only 4000 Words? I’ll Definitely Take Advantage Of That Extra 10%!

Reality: Wondering Whether Your Tutor Will Accept 632 Words

Remember the good old days in high school when you would write 700 words over the word limit just because? Although you may not realise it at first – in uni, word limits will be your enemy. You’ll find yourself including “just a few” extra convincing, incredible and persuasive adjectives, in an attempt to bump up your word count.

Perhaps we should learn from our mistakes and learn to write essays properly and punctually? Nah – where’s the fun in that?

(Lead image: The Office/NBC)