What Has James Franco Been Up To Lately?
Time for your update! The answer? Too much. Still way too much.
Just yesterday, James Franco Instagram’d a well-endowed, complex cake creation from his Miami-based celebrations for something or other. Complete with confectionery anal beads, cat o’ nine tails, ball gag and big ol’ dildo centrepiece, the image was more a beacon of reassurance than just a mere food pic. It’s a digital reminder that, in the potentially dormant 14-day period sandwiched between last week’s Tribeca Film Festival debut of The Director: An Evolution In Three Parts and next week’s Australian Spring Breakers launch, Franco did not all of a sudden start sleeping, watching reruns of Friends and just “hanging out”, but indeed remains the internet’s most prolific enigma.
With this in mind (and given that it’s been a whole week since we posted anything Franco-related), we thought it was about time to check in on exactly what’s been keeping this King of the Slashies (actor/director/author/producer/student/college professor/soap star/playboy/columnist/conceptual artist/grand marshal at the 2013 Daytona 500) busy for the last, oh I don’t know, five seconds? Strap in, ’cause there’s a lot.
As we mentioned, there was this…
Mmm, confectionery anal beads.
The cake was reportedly created by the genius kitchenhands at Miami’s Caked By Two to celebrate either Franco’s 35th birthday (last week), his cast and crew’s completion of their upcoming William Friedkin-riffing film Interior. Leather Bar. (last month), or his ‘Ally award’ from the Miami Gay & Lesbian Film Festival (yesterday). Surely he deserves a dildo for each of those achievements?
And then there have been a few film commitments…
Earlier this week, Franco appeared with co-star Winona Ryder at the premiere of their upcoming film, The Iceman (Perez Hilton went nuts with the potential puns). The Iceman is an ’80s-set mob movie based on real-life contract killer (and ice cream truck operator), Richard Kuklinski (played by Michael Shannon). Franco plays a character named ‘Marty Freeman’, who we can’t find any further information on, so we’ll just assume is based on Riff Raff.
Adding to the list of normal bodily functions that James Franco simply does not do (you know, like sleeping), it seems walking isn’t high on his priority list, either. According to the New York Post, while filming True Story with Jonah Hill at the Brooklyn Supreme Court, a courthouse source called Franco a “[bleep]” (oooh, insulting) for driving the block between his trailer and the set. Cool story, New York Post. True Story is an adaptation of New York Times reporter Michael Finkel’s memoir being produced by Brad Pitt’s production company and due for release in 2014.
It was recently announced that Franco will be both directing and starring in the upcoming film Garden Of Last Days, a contemporary thriller to be produced by Gerard Butler and co-starring Emilia ‘Dragon Lady’ Clarke, that explores “the lives of three deeply flawed, driven people whose paths intersect on a September night in Florida.” (one of those people being “a stripper out of options who brings her three-year-old daughter to work.” Sounds like an ’80s comedy!). According to Deadline, this movie “fills up the spring & summer calendar for Franco”, although they forgot that time is infinite in Franco world, so we doubt it.
The book has nothing to do with trumpets; we just thought that was a nice picture.
Staying in the whole contemporary thriller genre, Franco’s also due to start production on on another project entitled Good People, alongside Kate Hudson and Omar Sy at the end of May. The film’s premise? “When bad things happen to good people.” I guess no one ever taught this guy about quality over quantity.
He’ll also be premiering his film As I Lay Dying at the Cannes Film Festival at the end of this month. Based on the classic 1930 novel by William Faulkner, Franco wrote the screenplay, directs and stars in the film. Sigh. Is this guy a robot?
And then he got into some weird sex stuff (well, again)…
Last week, The Director: An Evolution in Three Parts, a fly-on-the-wall documentary produced by Franco and directed by Christina Voros that takes an inside look at the Gucci fashion empire, debuted at the TriBeCa Film Festival to an underwhelming response (Hollywood Reporter described it as a film “for serious fashionistas only”, oh snap).
Still, the project launched a further collaboration between Franco and Voros with the film Kink, a stranger-than-fiction exploration of kink.com, the world’s largest BDSM forum. (Here’s a link to Franco describing the project, which starts with him saying “I’ve optioned a lot of books to be made into films…”, which, NO SHIT).
And then he decided he was sick of his own voice (so he made NYU students pay to hear it…)
Not everything Franco does is about about sex (but really, it’s probably always about sex). For the past semester, Franco has been lecturing at NYU’s Film School, where, for their graduate class project, his students created Tar, a film in the vein of New York, I Love You, inspired by a collection of contemporary poetry by C.K. Williams. The film actually debuted at SXSW earlier this year and was cast while Franco was filming Oz: The Great And Powerful so conveniently features familiar faces like Mila Kunis and Zach Braff. Kind of pays to have a James Franco as your lecturer, huh?
And when they got sick of his voice, he turned to writing (again)…
On March 26, Franco released a memoir titled A California Childhood. Despite bursting with family photos, doodles, short stories and journal entries, A California Childhood seems less like an actual autobiographical record and more like just another suspicious cog in the Franco Myth-Making Machine. Seriously, ‘What even is a James Franco?’
Franco: The smooth-chested early years.
Having already released a short story collection last year (the creepy, slightly rape-y Palo Alto), the poetry collection Strongest of the Litter earlier this year, the aforementioned pseudo-memoir A California Childhood just last month, in addition to his regular scribe-y work like blogging for The Huffington Post, penning an inauguration ode to Obama and releasing a poem for his 35th birthday, Franco’s also continuing his writing jaunt with Directing Herbert White, another poetry collection due for release in 2014. His publisher, Graywolf Press’s poetry editor Jeffrey Shotts, described Franco’s poems as “a series of portraits of American successes and failures from within Hollywood” and “notes of caution of what can happen when the filmed self becomes fixed and duplicated, while the ongoing self must continue living and watching.” Sounds about right?
And then, well, he was a part time misogynist, apparently….
Just over a month ago, Franco added to his incredible list of life experiences by becoming Grand Marshal of the 2013 Daytona 500. It seemed a relatively simple role for such a seasoned actor, author, whatever, with only one significant responsibility… signal the start of the goddamn race. Alas, Franco somehow managed to butcher the most important words in NASCAR when he improv’d, “Drivers — and Danica — Start your engines!”, unnecessary singling out driver (yes, she’s a driver, James) Danica Patrick , the first woman ever to start from pole position in a Cup race. Stick to the script, Method man!
And then he started rocking up to interviews in a hot air balloon #thatwasonetime…
This seems like as good a place as any to end our Franco catch-up for the time being otherwise OH GOD IT WILL NEVER END.
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Conclusion: James Franco, before I began this article you were simply an enigma, albeit a very pretty one. You are now, however, the main reason for my a) hatred of hyperlinks, and b) immense feelings of inadequacy. Thanks buddy, wanna send some cake this way so I can drown my sorrows the only way a 22-year-old girl knows how? You’re too goddamn busy.
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