Tony Abbott And Joe Hockey Can’t Seem To Stop Spending Your Tax Money On Their Fancy, Fancy Jets

For a while now, Tony Abbott’s been trying to be someone he’s not.

After he realised the Australian public couldn’t really relate to a privately educated Rhodes scholar who was trained as a priest, he tried to reinvent himself as regular lad by hanging with tradies and wearing speed dealer sunnies.

When that backfired he launched a misguided attempt to connect with the nation’s rural communities. But, having never stepped foot into a supermarket before, the PM was betrayed by his lack of knowledge about the produce.

Now, in the face of these monumental failures, it seems as though he’s gone back to his roots: generally not giving a fuck about other people while enjoying the benefits of immense privilege.

As reported in The Herald Sun, this weekend Tony Abbott flew to Melbourne to attend the birthday party of his mate Paul Marks. But this isn’t any ordinary bud. In the past financial year, Marks personally donated $250,000 to the Liberal Party, and the multi-million dollar mining company which he owns donated a further $500,000.

Also, this wasn’t any ordinary party. Forgoing the typical lawn bowls arvo with a few jugs of draught, which might be more familiar to you or I, Mr Marks threw his birthday drinks at the ritzy Huntingdale Golf Club in Melbourne’s southern suburbs. The Herald Sun report the PM enjoyed crayfish, “aged Wagyu beef” and a glass of Chardonnay, before giving a speech.

So, it was pretty much the rich, middle-aged, white man version of schoolies.

And, this would all be fine if it weren’t for the fact he also used a taxpayer-funded RAAF plane to get there; a plane which runs at a cost of $4,000 per hour — or, more tangibly, every single cent you paid in tax last year.

All of it. You didn’t pay for any schools. You didn’t help build any hospitals. You shuttled a 57-year-old human disaster on a 90-minute flight to go play with his friends in a club you would probably never get into. Well, you helped get him there. A one-way ticket was probably covered by the tax dollars of you and your younger sibling.

BREAKING: PM Promises Good Government Starts Monday, Tuesday At The Latest, Lock It In Wednesday or COB Thursday. Or Friday. Week. #auspol

— Tim Ferguson (@RealTimFerguson) March 21, 2015

To be clear: politicians do get allowances and entitlements like this which grant them certain amounts of taxpayer money. And, though these costs can be enormous — The Conversation note that Julia Gillard went through $647,000 in just six months — the money is used for things which legitimately help their constituents, like actually having their elected representative present in Canberra.

But: as stated in the federal Entitlement’s Handbook, “each Senator and Member is paid an electorate allowance for expenses necessarily incurred in the performance of a Senator or Member’s duty.” And though it doesn’t explicitly state this, that definitely does not include a night on the piss at a wanky golf club with an old LNP buddy.

When presented with these allegations, the PM’s office stated he was in Melbourne undertaking other business as well. “All travel was undertaken within the rules,” they told The Herald Sun. But, despite repeated requests from multiple news outlets — and some of his opponents, including Nick Xenophon, Pat Conroy and Bill Shorten — they have refused to state what this business actually was.

But Wait! There’s More

Before the ink was even dry on yet another fuck-up to be written on the wall of Abbott’s Prime Ministership, another bombshell dropped. According to revelations in The Sydney Morning Herald, Treasurer Joe Hockey has been making his own inadvisable taxpayer-funded jaunts across the country; ones which are in fact much worse that the PM’s.

Turns out that Hockey had taken a bunch of Coalition colleagues and their staff between Canberra, Melbourne and Brisbane in a selection of government aircrafts to attend LNP fundraisers and gatherings. Worse than that? It’s all valued at about $20,000. The worst thing ever? All this took place almost directly after Hockey dropped his absolutely devastating budget on the nation.

Remember that budget? The one that fucked over anyone who relies on welfare, education, healthcare, Indigenous services, the arts industry, and anyone who isn’t a school chaplain? Yeah, you remember.

The Treasurer’s office have confirmed the flights and costs with Fairfax but added that Hockey’s plane was necessary because there were no available commercial flights. They also stated that Mr Hockey also had other commitments in his trip, such as meeting with the Victorian Treasurer.

“The cost of the Treasurer’s travel was within guidelines and entitlements,” a spokesperson said. And while it’s technically the correct phrase, it’s also the worst wording any PR professional has ever used.

This is awkward.

The age of entitlement is over. I just didn't realise we weren't entitled to education, arts, health, science and human rights. #budget2014

— Mikey Nicholson (@Mikey_Nicholson) May 13, 2014

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Feature image via Tony Abbott/Facebook.