Tom Waterhouse Can Get Fucked
Meet Col Fink, the internet's newest hero.
This is Col Fink.
Yesterday, he posted a video to his Facebook page, called ‘Tom Waterhouse Can Get Fucked‘. In the video, Fink takes to task the “curse on society” that is gambling in Australia, pointing a finger at its figurehead: that self-satisfied, smirking git that is our very own Tom Waterhouse.
To make his point, and in a decision of questionable sanity, Fink — who smoked for ten years until five years ago, has only jogged twice since February, and at the age of 22 suffered a debilitating lung disease — entered the half-marathon in Melbourne this Sunday (21km!), and encouraged his friends to bet against him by pledging $10 to a charity of their choice in the comments.
If Fink finishes the marathon, his friends will pay up; if Fink doesn’t make it, he’ll pay the charities himself. “Either way, the punters — which is you and me — lose, and the bookie — which in this case is the charity of your choice — wins. Which is how it works in normal gambling, you fucking idiots, it’s just that usually the bookie is a smarmy rich kid with a face I want to punch, and not a bunch of do-gooders doing good, which is who you should be throwing your money at if you’re just gonna give it away for no reason.”
The video was intended for his friends only. “I’m just a guy who bought some new lights for his video camera and wanted to try them out,” he told Spook magazine. “No-one else was home, so I used them on myself. Somehow, I found myself publicly committing to running a half marathon this weekend, and telling Tom Waterhouse to get fucked. I don’t really know what happened.”
What happened was that it has gone semi-viral; not quite at Fitch The Homeless levels yet, but it’s certainly on the right track. Meaning that everybody is pledging now; over 300 and counting. Meaning that if he drops out of the marathon, he’s going to owe a bunch of money — but he’ll owe it to a far better cause than Tom Waterhouse.
If you want to pledge, do it from his Facebook page, misleadingly titled tomwaterhousecangetfucked.com.
Good luck to you, sir. And that’ll be $10 to Beyond Blue from us.