The Best And Worst Of Time Magazine’s Top 100

Time Magazine have today launched 2013’s Time 100 — their yearly list of the 100 most influential people in the world, equipped, as usual, with blurbs written by other notables.

You can read Hilary Clinton’s thoughts on Barack Obama; Barack Obama on US Senator Tom Coburn; Maya Angelou on the First Lady; Julia Baird on Gina Rinehart (go Aussie?); Stevie Wonder on Justin Timberlake; Baz Luhrmann on Beyonce; Clare Danes on Lena Dunham — there’s a lot to look out for.

But getting celebrities to write about celebrities is a risky business. Sometimes, they nail it. Other times, they’re actually insane. And occasionally, they’ll just go ahead and natter on about themselves.

Here’s our round-up, with a few photos shamelessly stolen from Time.

The Blurbs That Rule:

Jon Hamm (Mad Men) on Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad):

The first time I met Bryan Cranston, he was standing in his underwear. We were doing a photo shoot for a little-known network called AMC, and he was in a rubber chemistry apron, tighty whities and desert boots, while I was in an impeccably tailored 1960s suit, with slicked-back hair and a cigarette dangling from my mouth. Our shows hadn’t premiered yet. We were simply two actors, in costume and out of context. He was friendly, funny, gregarious, humble and lovely.

Over the past five seasons, I’ve marveled at Bryan’s ability to turn Breaking Bad’s Walter White from a feckless, terrified father and husband to a ruthless, terrifying father, husband and crime lord. The transformation is mesmerizing. The performance is fearless. Bryan is that good. I’ve had the pleasure of knowing him since that photo shoot, as he has collected accolade after accolade, as his film career has flourished, as more and more people realize just how good he is. Through it all, he has remained friendly, funny, gregarious, humble and lovely.

I know I’m not alone in my ravenous anticipation for the final episodes of Breaking Bad. I also know I’m not alone in waiting with bated breath to see what Bryan does next.

John Legend on Frank Ocean:

Frank is brilliant. The day I started writing with him, it was clear that he has a very interesting mind and a distinctive way of expressing himself. He was fearless and innately creative. You talk to some people in this business and you get the sense that they’re very focused on radio: what will be a hit or won’t be a hit. You never get that from Frank. The focus is on creating something that’s beautiful, that’s great art.

Frank broke a lot of rules with his album Channel Orange. He wasn’t focused on “What’s gonna be my single?” And obviously, one of the cardinal rules was that he wasn’t supposed to come out. But he did, and he did it in a way that speaks to what kind of artist he is, in a beautifully written letter to his fans. The day the letter was published, he came over to my house for a July 4 barbecue, where he was among friends who supported him and showed him love.

How fitting that he released his “declaration” on Independence Day. I think Frank’s career will be defined by his fearlessness and his artistic freedom. He has the talent, the ability and the brilliance to have an impact for a long time. He will follow his muse wherever it goes — he’s not the kind of artist to adhere to everyone else’s schedule. That’s what makes him special.

Jon Stewart on Bassem Youssef (Egyptian satirist):

My job is hard. I have to sift through pages of political- and media-themed satirical material from exceptional writers and figure out what amusing face I can make to accompany each jab. Then I must perform them, 22 minutes a day, four days a week, with only our caterer’s spread to sustain me. Bassem Youssef does my job in Egypt. The only real difference between him and me is that he performs his satire in a country still testing the limits of its hard-earned freedom, where those who speak out against the powerful still have much to fear. Yet even under these difficult circumstances, he manages to produce an incredible show: a hilarious blend of mimicry, confusion, outrage and bemusement, highlighting the absurdities and hypocrisies of his country’s rebirth, all wielded with the precision of a scalpel, which, by the way, he should know how to wield because he’s a former heart surgeon. Yeah. And his family is beautiful and he’s a kind and generous friend. I am an American satirist, and Bassem Youssef is my hero.

Jodie Foster on Jennifer Lawrence:

You’ll remember where you were when you first felt it, how you were stuck to one spot like a small animal considering its end. The Jennifer Lawrence Stare. It cuts a searing swath in your gut. A reckoning. I remember going to the cutting rooms of Winter’s Bone. I thought, Sure, this girl can act. But, man, this girl can also just be. All of those painful secrets in her face, the feeling that there’s some terrible past that’s left impossibly angled bone and weariness in its wake. She’s worn from the pain of living — something none of her characters would ever have the energy to articulate. It’s just part of her, like skin and muscle. The good news is that Jen, her good-humored, ballsy, free-spirited alter ego with the husky voice and a propensity for junk food … Jen, the spritely tomboy from Kentucky — that Jen’s got it together. A hoot. A gem. A gem with a killer stare.

Ginjer Doherty (fourth-grader at Port Monmouth Elementary School in New Jersey) on Chris Christie (Governer of New Jersey):

Governor Christie came to the firehouse near my house after the big storm. Me and my mom were waiting to hear him talk. My house was all messed up, and people told us we couldn’t stay there anymore. The governor told me not to worry — that my parents would take care of everything — and he looked very serious and sad, and he cried. He said he would be back to help our town.

I see him on TV trying to fight for New Jersey and help out the people in need. He called me a few days after the storm and asked if we had found a place to live yet and if we were doing O.K. When I went to the statehouse in January to hear his speech, I met two of his kids, and I even got to meet the heroes from New Jersey who saved people. The governor’s friends high-fived me and said nobody makes the governor cry. They said I was the best.

Things are going O.K. for my family. We want to go back home, but rebuilding is going to take a long time. But we have a place to live for now. I even rescued a cat that was homeless after Sandy — I wanted him to be safe and loved like I feel.

The Blurbs That Are Questionable:

Michael Bloomberg on lazy cliches Jay-Z:

Jay Z embodies so much of what makes New York New York. A kid from a tough neighborhood who grows up in public housing, overcomes lots of bad influences on the street, never lets go of his dream, makes it to the top — and then keeps going, pursuing new outlets for his creativity and ambition. When no one would sign him to a record contract, he created his own label and built a music empire — before going on to design clothing lines, open sports bars and, most recently, represent professional athletes. He’s an artist-entrepreneur who stands at the center of culture and commerce in 21st century America, and his influence stretches across races, religions and regions. He’s never forgotten his roots — “Empire State of Mind” was a love song to our city — and as a co-owner of the NBA Nets, he helped bring a major league sports team back to Brooklyn, not far from his old neighborhood. In nearly everything he’s tried, he’s found success. (He even put a ring on Beyoncé.) And in doing so, he’s proved that the American Dream is alive and well.

Sarah Palin on caribou jerky Rand Paul:

When the Tea Party movement wanted to send a message to the Senate in 2010, it elected a clear-sighted eye doctor from the Bluegrass State. In a D.C. too often defined by the venal equivocations of a permanent political class more interested in consolidating its own power than in upholding the Constitution or defending the common good, Senator Rand Paul is a voice of reason awakening the public to what must be done to restore our prosperity and preserve the blessings of liberty for future generations. His brand of libertarian-leaning conservatism attracts young voters, and recently he inspired the nation with his Capraesque filibuster demanding basic answers about our use of drones. I sent him some caribou jerky from Alaska to help keep up his strength on the Senate floor. There’s more where that came from for this bold Senator with 20/20 vision willing to take a stand for liberty.

Ted Nugent (gun rights advocate and rock muso) on being insane Wayne LaPierre (NRA Boss):

In the embarrassing culture war of politically correct denial that runs amok today, there is an American warrior, a common man who represents common sense and self-evident truth, and he is Wayne LaPierre. On behalf of the millions of American families who still believe in God-given, constitutionally guaranteed individual rights, Wayne stands firm against the insidious tsunami of dangerous anticonstitutional furor that would further infringe on our sacred Second Amendment. Wayne is a sledgehammer for truth, logic and freedom. He is cut from the same cloth as our forefathers who stood on Concord bridge and risked all to give birth to a truly free, independent America. Wayne’s voice is the modern shot heard round the world

Bono (U2) on ???? Jonathan Ive (Apple designer):

Jony Ive is himself classic Apple. Brushed steel, polished glass hardware, complicated software honed to simplicity. His genius is not just his ability to see what others cannot but also how he applies it. To watch him with his workmates in the holy of holies, Apple’s design lab, or on a night out is to observe a very rare esprit de corps. They love their boss, and he loves them. What the competitors don’t seem to understand is you cannot get people this smart to work this hard just for money. Jony is Obi-Wan. His team are Jedi whose nobility depends on the pursuit of greatness over profit, believing the latter will always follow the former, stubbornly passing up near-term good opportunities to pursue great ones in the distance. Jony’s values happen to add value — emotional and financial. It takes a unique alchemy of form and function for millions of people to feel so passionately about the robot in their pocket.

The Blurbs That Couldn’t Help But Be About Their Writers Instead:

Ben Stein (actor, writer) on making Jimmy Kimmel famous:

In about 1995, we started to audition people to be my co-host on what became Comedy Central’s Win Ben Stein’s Money. The first candidate was Jimmy Kimmel, a comedy DJ for a local rock station. He was it: immensely quick-witted and funny, acerbic, down to earth (in contrast to my supposed brainy snobbishness), young and hip.

After two weeks on the air, I told him he would have Letterman’s job someday. “That’s what I always wanted, to be a late-night host,” he said. I was privileged to tell Michael Eisner — then the head of Disney, owner of ABC — some 10 years or so ago that Jimmy was their only choice when they were looking for a late-night host who would get the young.

He has not disappointed. He can interview a major star and be impressed and still cut the star down to human size with the deftness of a brain surgeon. He is the stand-up guy that young male viewers want as their pal late at night. He projects it because he is it.

Whenever I have been in scrapes and have told Jimmy about it, he always says the same thing, “I’ve got your back.” For Americans in front of the tube past their bedtime, Jimmy Kimmel — laughing, mocking but, above all, their friend — has their back.

Justin Timberlake on being on TV, getting married:

Jimmy Fallon just can’t help himself. He’s a brilliant comedian. A talented musician. A spot-on impersonator. Jimmy has redefined and recharged late-night television with a genuine excitement and energy that gets under your skin.

That’s probably because watching you laugh might be the thing that makes Jimmy most happy. This explains this man’s unwavering mission to get me to break every time we do our send-up sketch of the Gibb brothers on SNL. Or why we jump all over each other’s sentences during any segment I’ve ever been a part of on his show. Jimmy’s lightning wit — mixed with a kindness you don’t normally find in comedy — is what makes you feel so comfortable having him in your home every night. And no matter where the joke goes, the audience feels like they are in on it too. That’s because Jimmy loves to share the moment.

Jimmy’s brain doesn’t stop either. He is constantly punching up jokes out loud or improvising when we are in the same room — no matter who else is around.

Picture this: I’m in the heart of an impromptu speech at my wedding reception in front of 150 guests, pouring it out to my lovely new bride. You could hear a pin drop. I paused for just a moment in between thoughts. And then there was Jimmy, shouting a joke from his seat, sparking an improv between the two of us that went on for a good five or 10 minutes and had all our guests roaring with laughter. Interrupting the groom’s speech at the wedding reception? Cracking jokes when your buddy is looking desperately for the words to say that he hopes his wife will remember forever? It turned into a moment that everyone there will remember forever. Anyone else would have bombed on that stage. And then I would have kicked their ass. But this was Jimmy Fallon. He just can’t help himself. And neither can we.

Richard Branson on Knowing A Thing Or Two About Spaceships:

For a while now, space has been looking boring. News about space was reduced to budget cuts and deorbiting schedules, not research or innovation. Then the private sector began designing spaceships to send payloads and people into orbit and beyond. Today, teams like Elon Musk’s SpaceX are reopening space for exploration.

I know a thing or two about building spaceships, having started Virgin Galactic. It might seem that would make Elon and me competitors, but in some ways it’s just the opposite. We share the belief that when you want something, you have to go do it yourself — even if DIY in this case means plowing your personal fortune into industries so unwieldy, complex and unknowable that most people think they can be steered and owned only by government.

Whatever skeptics have said can’t be done, Elon has gone out and made real. Remember in the 1990s, when we would call strangers and give them our credit-card numbers? Elon dreamed up a little thing called PayPal. His Tesla Motors and SolarCity companies are making a clean, renewable-energy future a reality. It’s a paradox that Elon is working to improve our planet at the same time he’s building spacecraft to help us leave it. But true vision is binocular — and Elon Musk is clearly a man who can see many things at once.

Read the full list at Time.