9 Things You’ll Know If You’re Extremely Obsessed With Christmas
#4 You secretly hold out hope that Santa is actually real.
It’s the first day of December, which means your long-dormant, Christmas obsessed self can be unleashed into the world. Finally. It’s been a big year – one in dire need of some wholesome Christmas cheer – so you’re more than ready than ever to get your festive freak on.
Here’s nine things you know to be true if you’re a Christmas fanatic. (Make sure you play this in the background as you read.)
#1 Your Tree Is Already Up
In fact, it was up like a week ago. You absolutely don’t believe in the rule that it has to be December in order to get the decorations up. Christmas starts when you say it does, thnx.
#2 You Have Strong Opinions About What The Best Christmas Movie Is
And hoo boy, you’ll tell everyone who wants to listen (edit: no one wants to listen) about it. Of course, your faves are always decided by how much you watched them as a kid, so they’re pretty much always going to differ from other people’s faves, making it an arbitrary argument.
In saying that: Elf is the best Christmas movie ever and you’re wrong if you disagree.
#3 You Don’t Think You’re Too Old To Take A Photo With Santa
Literally, who cares if you’re 20-years-old and the Westfield Santa feels uncomfortable with your presence? It’s your HUMAN RIGHT to take an overpriced photo next to an old man in a costume and subsequently post it on Instagram. Human. Right.
#4 You Secretly Hold Out Hope That Santa Is Real
Sure, sure: Santa is a made-up fantasy man concocted by Coca-Cola and religious folklore to get us to buy more things. We 100 per cent know that to be true.
… But also, you ask yourself while watching Santa Clause 2 starring Tim Allen, what if he was real? And the REAL hoax is that we all believe he’s fake. And the fact that Santa always has the same handwriting as your mum and dad is part his superpowers? Really makes you think.
#5 You Gather All Your Friends To Go Christmas Light Looking On The Reg
Christmas light looking is an absolutely valid pass time at this time of year and you’re never not excited by a completely OTT light show.
Side note: You always get a cone from the Mr Whippy van because is it really Christmas light looking if you don’t? Yes, I know the flake is extra.
#6 You Believe It To Be The Truest Tragedy Of Life That It Doesn’t Snow At Christmas Time
While it’s truly awesome that we get to hit the beach on the 25th, it would be even more awesome if we could ice skate and drink hot choccies like in the North American movies we were brought up on. There’s something about the cold and snow that really encapsulates the festive spirit.
Just one day – ONE – of snow and we’d be happy. Pls.
#7 You Don’t Really Care That Buying Gifts Is Expensive
You’re not made of money or anything, but you’re actually not that bothered that you have to spend a couple of hunge on friends and family. It’s super fun to buy them gifts you think they’ll really like and you’re getting gifts from them too, so it all comes out in the wash.
Also, you’re great at buying gifts. So. You’re welcome, everybody ever.
#8 If Wrapping Were An Art, You’d Be Leonardo Fucking DaVinci
Buying gifts is very fun but wrapping them afterwards is like your crack. There’s something so satisfying about picking out your paper, closing it up neatly and tying it all together with a bow. Don’t get me started on how it feels to see your work sitting beautifully under the tree.
You understand this meme more than most.
#9 Boxing Day Is The Saddest Day Of The Year
Seriously, fuck boxing day. It’s the furthest day away from Christmas there is.
(Lead image: Elf/Warner Bros)