There’s A Soccer Player At The World Cup Who’s Biting Everybody

Brazil’s World Cup continues to be the gift that keeps on giving for ridiculous shit, with Uruguayan forward Luis Suarez in trouble for taking a goddamn bite out of an Italian player’s shoulder in last night’s match.

The best part is how Suarez tried to get away with it by belatedly dropping to the ground and rolling around holding his mouth, no doubt hoping the well-known fact that professional soccer players have about the same pain threshold as the Bubble Boy would be enough to see him skate.

Predictably, Twitter has put on its thinking cap and come up with some pretty great memes:

If FIFA doesn’t suspend Suarez, make him wear the Cone of Shame: http://t.co/91uZ9hUx4E

— Josh Carpenter (@JoshACarpenter) June 24, 2014

Not only does this mark the third instance in known history where a soccer player was genuinely injured, as opposed to just faking it for the lols, it isn’t even the first time Suarez has been caught out biting his opponents. Here he is chomping on Serbian captain Branislav Ivanovic, who looks about as pumped as you would to suddenly find a rogue Uruguayan hanging off your upper arm by his mouth.

And here he is lunging face-first at Dutch midfielder Otman Bakkal like a bit character in TrueBlood.

In his defence, Suarez is quite good at getting paid obscene amounts of money to kick an inflated bladder around. A forward for English Premier League side Liverpool, Suarez was ranked the ninth-best footballer in the world by The Guardian last year. Whether he originally came sixteenth and threatened to fucking bite someone until he was moved up a few places in unclear. Nonetheless, calls are growing for Suarez to be banned from the World Cup, at least until he storms FIFA’s offices and eats everybody.

Still, Uruguay won the match 1-0. Can’t argue with results.

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Feature image via @JonesMartyn/Twitter.