Culture

The Sydney Seal Has Returned To The Opera House Steps To Claim His Rightful Title As King Of Sydney

HE IS RISEN.

by Alex McKinnon  13 January 2015

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LO, HE IS RETURNED. THE PROPHECY IS FULFILLED.

Three months after he inexplicably left us alone in this cold uncaring world, the Sydney Seal has returned to the Opera House VIP steps to lead us to a new dawn once again. Sydney photographer @biglenlittlelen was the first to capture the return of the Seal, and word quickly spread among the citizenry.

The Seal’s triumphant return has already prompted speculation he intends to run for Premier in the upcoming state election. Senior political insiders from both major parties that definitely exist told me they are monitoring the Seal closely, and that both Premier Mike Baird and Opposition Leader Luke Foley are “shitting bricks” at the prospect of the Seal entering the race.

“This is a gamechanger, we don’t have a strategy for this. Baird’s cooked unless we get that furry bastard in a campaign shirt, maybe we can promise him a ministry or something,” a prominent Liberal source said before taking a frantic call on his mobile. “Shit. Fuck. Shred everything, it’s over, we’re done,” he screamed into his mobile before ripping the battery out and throwing it in the sea.

It’s unclear what exactly what caused the Seal to return, but it is likely he simply heard the voices of the people, crying out for a leader, and knew his time had come again.

ALL HAIL THE SEAL.


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Feature image via Twitter/BigLensLittleLens. Find him on Facebook here.