The Oregon Militia Are Very Upset About All These Dildos People Are Sending Them In The Mail
They don't think it's very funny.
The ongoing occupation of a wildlife refuge office in remote Oregon by a raggedy band of angry white dudes with guns has provided a decent amount of comedic fodder to anyone not convinced the US government is coming down the road right now to take their guns away. People have lampooned their po-faced requests for snacks, compiled exhaustive lists of how much government assistance these radical anti-government patriots receive on the regular, and spawned entire new subgenres of erotic fanfiction.
Are those fellas still LARPing at the wildlife place?
— The Nerdy Bird (@JillPantozzi) January 8, 2016
“Jason pressed Jed against a rack of “Birds of Oregon” books; his breath was sweet with jerky. Somewhere, an egret cried” #bundyeroticfanfic — colin meloy (@colinmeloy) January 6, 2016
2015:hey how’s it going so far? 2016:uh good 15: 16: 15:you’ve got an armed mili- 16:we’ve got an armed militia in a wildlife building, yeah
— Kylie Brakeman (@sexypitabread) January 3, 2016
A disturbingly large number of people have taken the fun to a whole new level, answering the militia’s repeated entreaties for supplies with troll packages and hatemail. The situation’s gotten so bad that militiaman, grainy video aficionado and aggressively bald man Jon Ritzheimer, who’s holed up in the wildlife refuge, has taken to Facebook with a simple, yet powerful message: please stop sending us dildos in the mail.
Broadcasting from behind a veritable pile of Amazon packages, Ritzheimer rails against the hatred being poured on the militia in the form of gigantic sex toys and candy penises, before dramatically sweeping the instruments of government oppression off the table. Not since the original American revolutionaries threw British tea into Boston Harbor has a simple gesture meant so much.