Ten Best Quotes From Tina Fey And Amy Poehler’s Opening Speech At The Golden Globes

It should come as no surprise that Amy Poehler and Tina Fey completely crushed their opening monologue speech for the Golden Globes, which is entering its final hour at the Beverley Hilton Hotel right now. (“We’re gonna get this show done in three hours,” Fey warned. “Or as Martin Scorsese calls it, ‘Act One’.”)

Watch it here — and disagree with our countdown of their ten best moments below.

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#10: On Hollywood

Tina Fey: We are hosting the Golden Globes for our second times, because this is Hollywood and if something kind of works they’ll just keep doing it until everybody hates it.

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#9: On Matt Damon

Amy Poehler: Matt Damon is here from Behind The Candelabra. Matt, on any other night in any other room you would be a big deal, but tonight – and don’t take this the wrong way – you’re basically a garbage person.

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#8: On Julia Louis Dreyfus

Amy Poehler: Interestingly, Julia [Louis-Dreyfus] has chosen to sit in the film section tonight. Hiiiiii Julia. Hiiiiii. You know us from TV.

 

BONUS GIF:

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#7: On Meryl Streep

Tina Fey: Meryl Streep, so brilliant in August: Osage County, proving that there are still great parts in Hollywood for Meryl Streeps over 60.

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#6: On George Clooney

Tina Fey: Gravity is nominated for Best Film. It’s the story about how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age.

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#5: On Slavery

Amy Poehler: “I loved 12 Years A Slave, and I can honestly say that after seeing that film, I will never look at slavery in the same way.”

Tina Fey: “Wait, how were you –”

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#4: On Scandal

Tina Fey: The beautiful Kerry Washington is here. She’s expecting her first child later this year.

Amy Poehler: Oh my god, is it President Fitz’s?

Tina Fey: [Gasp!] Probably — but I thought Amanda was carrying his baby!

Both: [Gasp!] Scandal.

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#3: On Woody Allen

Amy Poehler: Woody Allen is the recipient of this year’s Cecil B. DeMille Award, just a few years after Martin Scorsese won it. I assume the award is for Tiniest Man With The Biggest Glasses.

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#2: On Being An Actress

Tina Fey: “For his role in Dallas Buyers Club, [Matthew Mcconaughey] lost 45 pounds – or what actresses call ‘being in a movie’”.

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#1: Argh, These Two!

Amy Poehler: “Masters of Sex …is the degree I got from Boston College.”

[Picture this GIF, but with different dresses]

Yep, nailed it again.