Music

Here Are The Songs Spotify Says Australia Bones To, So Happy Valentine’s Horndogs

Y'all have some filthy taste.

Sex Songs Valentine's Day

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It’s Valentine’s Day, which means one of two things: you’re gonna drink a hell of a lot and get laid, or you’re gonna drink a hell of a lot and not get laid. And either way, Spotify has the perfect playlist for you.

The streaming giant recently looked over their data to determine which songs are the most popular in our playlists about sex, love, and heartache. They’ve now sorted these tracks into top tens, according to global and Australian-specific tastes.

Somewhat unsurprisingly, The Weeknd’s track ‘Earned It’ (appropriately made for the Fifty Shades of Grey soundtrack) lands at the top of Australia’s shagging list, followed by Jeremih’s ‘Birthday Sex’ and Ginuwine’s classic banger ‘Pony’.

When it comes to love, it’s all about Paramore. The Tennessee outfit scored six songs in Australia’s Love playlist, including ‘Hard Times’, ‘Still Into You’, and ‘Ain’t It Fun’. They didn’t get the top spot though: that went to Fifth Harmony with ‘Don’t Say You Love Me’.

And as for what we listen to when we get our hearts squished, that would be Sam Smith and Adele (you know, the two artists that the internet is convinced are actually the same person.) Curiously, it was old school Canadian singer songwriter Gordon Lightfoot that took out the #1 Heartache spot with his track ‘Softly’.

Check out the full rankings below. We’ve put together a playlist of the Aussie sex tunes for you as well, just in case.


Spotify Valentine’s Day Rankings

Top Australian Sex Songs

1. The Weeknd – ‘Earned It’ (Fifty Shades Of Grey)
2. Jeremih – ‘Birthday Sex’
3. Ginuwine – ‘Pony’
4. Ty Dolla $ign – ‘Or Nah’ (feat. The Weeknd, Wiz Khalifa and DJ Mustard) – Remix
5. SoMo – ‘Ride’
6. Jeremih – ‘All The Time’
7. The Weeknd – ‘Often’
8. Trey Songz – ‘Slow Motion’
9. Jeremih – ‘Down On Me’
10. Bazzi – ‘Mine’

Top Australian Love Songs

1. Fifth Harmony – ‘Don’t Say You Love Me’
2. Paramore – ‘Hard Times’
3. Ed Sheeran – ‘Perfect’
4. Paramore – ‘Still Into You’
5. Post Malone – ‘I Fall Apart’
6. Bazzi – ‘Mine’
7. Paramore – ‘That’s What You Get’
8. Paramore – ‘Misery Business’
9. Paramore – ‘Ain’t It Fun’
10. Paramore – ‘Told You So’

Top Australian Heartache Songs

1. Gordon Lightfoot – ‘Softly’
2. Sam Smith – ‘Stay With Me’
3. Post Malone – ‘I Fall Apart’
4. 5 Seconds of Summer – ‘Amnesia’
5. gnash – ‘i hate u, i love u’ (feat. olivia o’brien)
6. A Great Big World – ‘Say Something’
7. Adele – ‘Someone Like You’
8. Birdy – ‘Skinny Love’
9. Sam Smith – ‘Too Good At Goodbyes’
10. Passenger – ‘Let Her Go’

Top Global Sex Songs

1. The Weeknd – ‘Earned It’ (Fifty Shades Of Grey)
2. Jeremih – ‘Birthday Sex’
3. The Weeknd – ‘Often’
4. Jeremih – ‘All The Time’
5. Ginuwine – ‘Pony’
6. SoMo – ‘Ride’
7. Rihanna – ‘Sex With Me’
8. Trey Songz – ‘Slow Motion’
9. Ty Dolla $ign – ‘Or Nah’ (feat. The Weeknd, Wiz Khalifa and DJ Mustard) – Remix
10. The Weeknd – ‘The Hills’

Top Global Love Songs
1. Ed Sheeran – ‘Perfect’
2. James Arthur – ‘Say You Won’t Let Go’
3. Ed Sheeran – ‘Photograph’
4. John Legend – ‘All of Me’
5. Ed Sheeran – ‘Thinking Out Loud’
6. Bazzi – ‘Mine’
7. Christina Perri – ‘A Thousand Years’
8. Sam Smith – ‘Stay With Me’
9. Kendrick Lamar – ‘LOVE.’ FEAT. ZACARI.
10. G-Eazy – ‘Him & I’ (with Halsey)

Top Global Heartache Songs

1. Sam Smith – ‘Too Good At Goodbyes’
2. Adele – ‘Someone Like You’
3. Passenger – ‘Let Her Go’
4. A Great Big World – ‘Say Something’
5. Gnash – ‘i hate u, i love u’ (feat. olivia o’brien)
6. Birdy – ‘Skinny Love’
7. Post Malone – ‘I Fall Apart’
8. Ed Sheeran – ‘Happier’
9. Christina Perri – ‘Jar of Hearts’
10. Sam Smith – ‘Stay With Me’

Top Global Anti-Valentines Songs

1. TLC – ‘No Scrubs’
2. Kelly Clarkson – ‘Since U Been Gone’
3. Beyoncé – ‘Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)’
4. CeeLo Green – ‘Fuck You’
5. Justin Timberlake – ‘Cry Me a River’
6. Carrie Underwood – ‘Before He Cheats’
7. Justin Bieber – ‘Love Yourself’
8. Cherish – ‘Unappreciated’
9. Kanye West – ‘Heartless’
10. Destiny’s Child – ‘Survivor’