TV

No One Wanted To Be Friends With Joe Hockey On This Week’s #QandA

He was slammed by an actual economist, betrayed by some baby boomers, and accused of impersonating Kevin Rudd.

by Meg Watson  17 March 2015

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Odds are that that you weren’t watching last night’s Q&A. It’s understandable. After seeing Germaine Greer ask Julie Bishop to get her boobs out in last week’s special all-female panel, yesterday’s show looked remarkably bland.

Annabel Crabb was replaced with the regular host, Tony Jones; exciting international guests like Roxane Gay were replaced by the Treasurer, the Shadow Treasurer and a bunch of policy wonks you’ve never really heard of; and all the complex, sprawling discussions of social issues were axed in favour of dense economic debates about things you already struggle to understand.

But, though I can’t blame you for ditching it to binge-watch something or absentmindedly stare at a blank wall for 60 minutes, there was one thing you might not have taken into account: Joe Hockey does not do well on Q&A.

It can be brutal to watch, but who needs the new season of House of Cards or Australian Netflix when we can watch the evisceration of our own national leaders for free on ABC iView?

Here’s how it all went down:

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The Panel Was Never Going To Be Good To Him

Inspired by the Government’s recently released Intergenerational Report, the focus of last night’s discussion was ‘Intergenerational Health And Wealth’; a topic which Joe Hockey has been having a lot of trouble with in the past few weeks.

The report itself, which largely focussed on the needs of the nation’s ageing population, has been widely criticised, being described in SMH as “a direct attack on Australia’s youth”. The Treasurer has only made things worse since, last week suggesting that young Australians should be able to drain their superannuation to buy houses; effectively shoving fistfuls of cash into the hands of all the baby boomers who already own property.

Because of all this, the first few questions (within the first three minutes of the show), were addressed to Hockey directly, and interrogated him on the reasons he seems to hate us all.

And while this would already made for a bad situation for the guy, it wasn’t helped by the people he was sitting next to. With Shadow Treasurer Chris Bowen, Head of Australian Council of Social Service Cassandra Goldie, CEO of the Australian Chamber of Commerce and Industry Kate Carnell, and CEO of the Grattan Institute John Daley — all heads of organisations which have recently spoken out against the Treasurer — it was clear he wasn’t going to have any friends all night.

Goldie quickly shat all over his infamous “age of entitlement” idea, Daley kept him on his toes the whole time, and Carnell and Bowen explained exactly why he is very, very wrong about superannuation.

“If you turn up at an auction with $20,000-30,000 in your pocket, guess what? The other person’s got the same. You’re just going to bid against each other with your retirement incomes, and the only person who wins is the person selling the house who’s going to pocket another $30,000. Thank you very much.”

Throughout the show, as these attacks became more and more blatant, this reaction angle was utilised so much it eventually captured the moment his face melted completely.

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Eyebrow grade: interested – quizzical.

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Eyebrow grade: engaged for action.

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Eyebrow grade: total malfunction. Prepare for self-detonation.

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A Real-World Economist Annihilated Him

The headline of one of Fairfax’s top stories this morning reads “Joe Hockey outclassed on Q&A“, and it is not wrong. Though Chris Bowen is technically Joe Hockey’s main opposition, the best remarks really came from CEO of the Grattan Institute, John Daley.

With 20 years of experience in law and finance, Daley absolutely ruined Hockey’s defence of tax exemptions for baby boomers’ superannuation, the tax concession of “negative gearing“, and government spending on infrastructure. And more than all of that, he did it in a normal human way which actually sounded like things I could maybe even understand.

MAGIC.

For this, he earned a whole lot of love on Twitter at Hockey’s expense.

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Releasing the audience had turned, Joe pondered the possibility of a full Rambo escape from the ABC studios.

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Even The Baby Boomers Betrayed Him

Despite the fact that basically everything he’s ever done has been for the benefit of healthy white men around his own age, they were some of his biggest opponents last night. For starters, the question about tax exemptions for baby boomers actually came from this fella.

boomer

Actual legend.

He thought he should be paying more tax to ensure young people could go to university.

“I’m concerned that retired baby boomers like me are consuming too much of the government pie and not leaving enough for younger people for educational services, childcare, disability support, you name it.”

This would have been hands down the best question, if it weren’t for another older guy who addressed one to Chris Bowen as “the Treasurer to be”.

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HERE COME THE RAGE SWEATS AGAIN.

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He Shot Himself In The Foot With Tony

As a distinguished host, Tony Jones often comes to the rescue of some of his less popular panellists. He cuts people off if they’re going off topic, he’ll point out cheap shots, and he’ll give everyone a chance for rebuttal. And though there were some tense moments between the two, this is pretty much how he treated Hockey all night.

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“Dude, I’ll let you talk, just quit holding my hand under the desk.”

But then, Hockey ruined even this relationship by casually forgetting about that time he absolutely gutted the organisation which produces the show. Awks.

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HAHAHA WHEN WILL THIS NIGHTMARE END.

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Then He Decided To Be Someone Else Completely

Later in the show, presumably as a result of the volatile mixture of rage, nerves and embarrassment coursing through his veins, Hockey then started dropping incomprehensible arguments in the hope people would accept them on face value.

“[This is] a new world which is disintermediating and bringing in the consumer at a new interface with other consumers,” he said, for some reason.

disint

FYI

Then, perhaps in perfect vengeance for Hockey’s ABC goof, Jones pointed out that he sounded suspiciously like Kevin Rudd.

hocksss

An appropriate response.

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Finally, It All Came To An End

The final question of the show was about euthanasia; a relatively short debate about public healthcare, the extents of human suffering and everyone’s right to dignity in the last stage of their lives.

With that, Hockey was granted sweet relief with the show’s final credits. Make of it what you will.

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