Music

Madonna’s Special Melbourne Show Featured Three Hours Of Rain, Clowns And A Tricycle

"She flashed us and threw peanuts at the front row."

by Meg Watson  11 March 2016

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Madonna’s Australian tour which officially kicks off in Melbourne tomorrow night marks the first time she’s been here in 23 years. Her last outing was in 1993 for the ‘Girlie Show’ tour which saw her perform alongside support act Peter Andre in a lot of sequins looking not unlike Miley Cyrus. A lot has changed since.

Though the pop star had already well and truly proved herself a phenomenon with close to a decade of trailblazing performance and hit signles such as ‘Papa Don’t Preach’ and ‘Like A Prayer’, the two decades since have really intensified and complicated her public image. Madonna is a queen of reinvention, a businesswoman; but as she carves out new personas and styles in an ever-changing musical landscape, she seems to occupy a strange space between being the eternal ruler of the pop world and Lady Gaga’s slightly worldweary aunt. 

Now, we have to factor whatever this is into the equation:

As promised, Madonna last night dropped into Melbourne’s Forum Theatre for an intimate performance of “art, comedy, storytelling and music”. Billed as ‘Tears of a Clown’, the free surprise show was only available to members of Madonna’s fan club and certain competition winners. And, understandably, it generated a whole lot of buzz. A fair few people slept overnight to stake out the venue for the 8.30pm performance.

Unfortunately for them, the wait didn’t end there. As 1,500 people gathered outside the venue in the pouring rain (remember: Melbourne), Madonna’s manager Guy Oseary came out to tell the crowd doors wouldn’t open until 10.30pm and the star wouldn’t be on stage until 11.30pm. This was then pushed back further with doors opening around midnight and Madonna taking the stage at 12.50am. The singer was reportedly having dinner at an Italian restaurant a few blocks away earlier in the night and then in last-minute rehearsals yelling “Bitch, I’m Madonna” out into the packed, grumbling laneways.*

*Not all of that was true.

When she did eventually start the show, it seemed like all was worth it. As Richard S. He writes for FasterLouder, the act was a “surreal”, “hilarious” and “bizarre” mix of cabaret, song and storytelling. She opened with a trip-hop version of ‘Send in the Clowns’, spoke of her estranged son for whom she’s currently fighting a custody battle, and then channelled her burgeoning love of comedy by telling weird jokes.

“What do you call the piece of skin at the end of a penis? A man!” she said. “Later, she flashes us and throws peanuts at the front row,” He notes.

Of course there was some regular music as well. Throughout the night, Madonna performed songs from her touring album ‘Rebel Heart’ as well as old favourites and, divorced from their usual stadium setting, they resonated well with the crowd of die-hards.

But hey, you’re not here for that.

Here’s a video of Madonna, 57-year-old Queen of Pop and enduring icon of modern music, riding around the stage of The Forum like a nauseating, even more nightmarish version of that kid from The Shining:

I love it so, so much.

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Madonna’s Rebel Heart tour is hitting Melbourne, Sydney, and Brisbane over the next couple of weeks. Details here.