Junk Explained: What The Hell Just Happened In The American Mid-Term Elections?

So, yesterday America proceeded with its latest experiment in the long, painful death of representative democracy AKA the 2014 mid-term Congressional elections. And even for a country whose capacity to act against its own interests sometimes makes you wonder if they’re actively trying to throw themselves off a cliff, this one was a real doozy.

The long and the short of it is: the Republicans now have majorities in both houses of Congress. Yes, the no taxing, no spending, no aborting, gun hoarding, Mexican hating, healthcare fearing, God-loving band of maniacs who have spent every waking moment of the past six years trying to destroy the Obama presidency have taken complete control of Congress. Not just that, they’re likely to secure their biggest parliamentary majorities since World War II.

So, what could possibly explain this madness?

An election? I thought Hillary was running in 2016?

That she definitely is, but the Americans, having refined democracy into a particularly sharp-edged paste, are such big believers in the idea of the executive-legislative-judicial split that they pitch half of Congress up for election every two years, just so that Presidents don’t get too big for their boots/have any chance to enact a proper legislative program.

This is all fine and dandy in theory, but unfortunately in the context of a money-driven, power-hungry, special interest-dominated Congress it means that most candidates barely ever stop campaigning for long enough to actually legislate anything. For the President this is particularly awkward because you pretty much only have 12 months apiece in your first and third years where you can trust that the legislative branch of government is more interested in governing the country than their own political survival.

So, the Americans hate the Democrats now?

Well, yes and no. Certainly Obama’s approval ratings have plummeted over the last year or so, to the point where most Democratic candidates specifically requested that the President not come to their state for fear of being associated with him. Even so, some districts that had voted Obama in twice still turned against him this time. Six solid years of blind fearmongering and wanton hysteria finally seems to have had an impact on the American electoral psyche.

But there’s a lot of other factors which explain these mid-term results, and in particular why Republicans tend to do so well in them.

1. Low turn-out. Despite this being the most expensive midterm election in history – with an estimated price tag of $3.67 billion – it’s still likely to be the worst attended election in history with potentially fewer than 40% of the population turning up to vote. This is less a mandate than it is an informative pamphlet. Although given that Congress’ approval rating is currently sitting at around 14%, this degree of voter apathy is perhaps unsurprising.

2. The only people who vote in mid-term elections are old white people. This is obviously an exaggeration, but as a general rule young folk, Hispanics and African-Americans are much more reluctant to leave the house for a Congressional election. And would you believe it, old white people like voting for old white people. It makes them feel safe.

3. The sixth year itch. Most Presidents have run out of steam by the 6th year in office, so these mid-terms very often turn against the party of the incumbent.

4. Voter disenfranchisement laws. This has become a very in vogue tactic for Republicans in the South, who rather than broadening their policies to try and engage with the increasingly large minority populations filling their electorates have started coming up with new and exciting ways of preventing them from voting.

5. Gerrymandering. Long since disposed of in Australia – thank you Australian Electoral Commission – gerrymandering involves the rearrangement of electoral boundaries to maximise the vote for a particular demographic. While not particularly feasible in the Senate, the House of Representatives has taken to this with some gusto and Republican-dominated state electoral commissions have now twisted these boundaries to such a degree that it will literally almost be impossible for the Democrats to ever again gain a majority in the House. Democracy!

Is there a silver lining?

Look, an optimist might say that now the Republicans have taken full control of both houses of Congress they’ll feel pressure to actively govern the country they purport to represent, as opposed to, say, voting to try and destroy Obamacare 54 times in 4 years. A more pragmatic optimist might also point to the fact that even if the Republicans take the full 10 seats feared, they still won’t have the 60-seat supermajority that allows them to override the filibuster.

Buuuuuuuut there’s also a Presidential election two years away and for Republicans that means ideological purity is at a premium. And for Republicans ideological purity equals no new taxes, no new income streams, no new expenditure, no budget passage and a whole host of other power-dick moves designed specifically to hobble the government and, by inference, the American people. If they get out of this without another government shutdown, I will eat my laptop.

I presume the logic goes that if you can really make things awful for everyone then people will naturally blame the President and his party, despite Obama and co currently having about as much real world power as Adam Bandt. This sounds insane, but I guess they’ve got to try something to stop the Clinton juggernaut.

So, what does this mean for Obama?

Look, if I was the guy I’d pretty much just kick back, relax and start sipping on a pina colada. There’s no way in hell he’ll be making any progress on immigration reform, climate change, education or any of the other major pressing issues afflicting the USA in the next two years, so I say embrace the chaos and watch Congress burn itself to the ground. PEOPLE NEED TO LEARN.