If you think your relationship was going swimmingly, think again. There’s a new term called micro-cheating and it’s here to fuck up any sense of trust you’ve cultivated in your relationship.

We joke. Sort of.

Relationship expert Melanie Schilling told the Huffington Post, “Micro-cheating is a series of seemingly small actions that indicate a person is emotionally or physically focused on someone outside their relationship.” There’s a lot of definitions that are crowding the internet, but it seems to always include behaviour that is intentionally deceptive. For example, texting someone else and saving the number under a different name, not mentioning your relationship to other people or checking their social media constantly.

But it’s causing a lot of debate around the internet. Some people seem to hate it, some seem to think it’s necessary. So, should we care?

A New Name For An Old Thing

We’re on the fence, tbh. While part of us feels exhausted hearing another baloney dating term (there’s so many!), another part of us feels relieved that there’s actually a name for this behaviour. When your partner is secretive about certain things without any particular explanation, it can make you feel like crap. Not to mention completely insane. Liking another girl’s instagram post is not “technically cheating” after all.

But then again, just because it’s happening it doesn’t mean it’s intentional. As Schilling told Huffington Post, “The first thing you need to establish is the intention behind the behaviour.” Your partner could be a big, dumb golden retriever who doesn’t see the consequences of their actions. It’s when they do that problems arise.

Trust Your Instincts

You should always trust your instincts and your partner over an arbitrary set of rules like these. If you know your SO speaks in a flirty manner to people naturally or has so many friends you can’t even keep track of, you’re almost certainly in the clear.

If you feel that there’s something off, there probably is. But it won’t just the the “signs” of micro-cheating that tell you this, it’ll be the heavy feeling in your gut.

As Kerri Sackville wrote for the Sydney Morning Herald, “We never know how our relationships will pan out. Perhaps we should enjoy them for as long as they last, and not spend our lives worrying about keeping them safe.” After all, you don’t want to suffocate your SO or make them feel like their freedom is stifled.

Don’t read into things too much unless you have a huge, nagging feeling that you should.