Senator David Leyonhjelm Wants You To Ditch Your Pet Cat And Domesticate This Terrifying Thing Instead

Senator David Leyonhjelm is a confusing human, for many reasons other than his name sounds like an ornate Swedish pastry.

In his time as the first Senator ever elected from the Liberal Democratic Party he’s tried to shove rifles into everyone’s hands despite the fact our country as some of the best gun laws in the world; he’s avidly pushing a bill for same-sex marriage despite erratic Twitter musings about the “gay lifestyle” and “reckless promiscuity”; and now, a mere week after parading one of his big fluffy cats around the internet and using it to make obscure political points in The Guardian, he’s told the Australian public to ditch their pet kitties for one of these charming creatures.

In a speech to Parliament yesterday, Leyonhjelm pleaded for greater protection of Australia’s native mammals. But, while this would normally involve putting funding into ensuring their survival in natural habitats, he’s suggested they should instead be legalised as domestic pets.

“Certain kinds of wallabies make great pets. The quoll may replace domestic cats,” he said. “In the right circumstances, possums, Tasmanian devils, wombats, native rats, antechinus and bandicoots would also be great pets … Just as cats and dogs are in no danger of dying out, the same will be true if native animals are privately owned. It means they have value.”

Though obviously well-intentioned, the idea has come under a fair bit of scrutiny. Greens Senator Larissa Waters told the ABC it was “ludicrous”, suggesting we should instead be focussing on maintaining national parks.

And, for some reason, Leyonhjelm also retweeted this astute criticism of his performance in the Senate:

did that leyonhjelm cunt just read out his year 6 school project or what

— too easy mate (@burkes_backyard) March 18, 2015

But the main talking point from all this is the fact that the Senator got through a whole talk about how we should embrace native mammals without once mentioning the quokka.

Instead, he suggested we should replace our adorable kittens with something called a quoll: a largely solitary creature which is essentially a giant carnivorous rat. The lifespan of the average quoll can be as short as two years and in this time, they stalk and feast on small mammals like rabbits and possums, sleep all day, and just generally skulk around giving everyone the creeps.

In fairness, this is an idea which has been raised before. Last year, Rob Brewster from Rewilding Australia told the Sydney Morning Herald that quolls would make the perfect substitute for a domestic cat.

“It’s insane that in NSW you can buy a cat in a pet shop — the most destructive animal in Australia. But you go to prison if you have a pet quoll,” he said, before sweet-talking them to everyone claiming they actually eat insects and grasses.

And hey, he’s got a point — we really should be giving more care to our native animals, and yes, this would eliminate some of the factors which put their population at risk.

On the other side of things, this picture exists:

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Images: Kieran Palmer, gomagoti, lizardstomp, and Greg Schechter via Flickr CC.