Barnaby Joyce’s Valiant Dog Killing Mission, Seamlessly Inserted Into ‘Pirates Of The Caribbean’

We’re now four days into the War On Terrier, and that phrase alone means it’s probably time we called it quits. Since Agriculture Minister Barnaby Joyce made the odd choice to stage a press conference threatening Johnny Depp’s terriers Pistol and Boo, Australia has made international headlines as a place that gleefully executes dogs, a 48-year-old politician from Tamworth as expressed interest in becoming the Sexiest Man Alive, and Kyle Sandilands was able to briefly prevail as the voice of reason.

This wasn’t what budget week was supposed to look like. This is barely real life.

Thankfully, everything’s fairly wrapped up now. Depp’s dogs are on their way back to California via corporate luxury jet and Joyce has presumably congratulated himself with a warm bubble bath and an enthusiastic viewing of Edward Scissorhands to take joy in Depp’s brokenhearted little face. But, we know by now it’s not a true Auspol scandal until inspired video editor Huw Parkinson has covered it, and boy, this one basically writes itself.

I guarantee this movie would be better than whatever they’re currently working on on the Gold Coast.