Right now, Instagram has an estimated 700 million monthly users worldwide. It’s morse code for millennials, allowing us to shoot short messages through snaps and captions every second.

Look, I’m no Insta-blogger or social influencer but as your everyday ‘grammer, I know that there are a few etiquette tips and tricks to avoid. Sorry not sorry, but some posts are just the visual equivalent of a public fart.

And, let’s be real, we’ve all been guilty of at least one of these at some point.

#1 Hogging The Story Feed

There’s nothing more daunting than seeing 10 tiny bars at the top of someone’s story. It’s going to be either:

a) The entirety of a concert soundtracked by screams and a window-shattering singalong courtesy of you and some people you just met.

b) Photos of rounds of drinks as you descend into a night of debauchery. The final uploads will no doubt showcase your drunken attempts at the running man in the middle of some beer-covered dancefloor.

c) Your friend’s new puppy – cute for a good time, but a short time.

#2 Talking About Places And Events As Though They’re People

We get it, you’re in Melbourne. The cafestagrams and graffiti-walled backgrounds are manageable – and sure, for Sydneysiders, a necessity even.

But treating them as pals is a tragic play on a poetic device that comes off kind of awkward. Think, “Missing you, Fitzroy.” Or, “See you next year, Splendour!” Eek.

#3 Writing Lengthy Love Letters To Your Significant Other

“Him…” Sure, it’s sweet, and we’re happy that you’re happy, but captioning long confessionals to the person you make out/sleep/live with is a bizarre alternative to, well, just telling them to their face?

There’s nothing wrong with a soppy birthday post for a bud but a “thanks for bringing me flowers, you’re so amazing!” is a bit of a yawn.

#4 Disguising A Selfie As A Piece Of Exciting News

Sharing information about what you’re up to and simply sharing what you look like are two of Insta’s prime features. It’s only when these two things are combined that things can go awry.

For instance, using “so in love with my new lamp!” to caption a selfie, with the lamp (if at all visible) appearing as a tiny speck in the background.

It’s not about the lamp, and it never was.

#5 Inspirational Quotes

There’s definitely a double-standard when it comes to this one. Inspirational quotes on social media are lame when your parents do it, but cut them down and turn them into a neon sign, and they’re suddenly the bees knees?

Somehow, I don’t think Kayla Itsines got fit, or Lorde wrote her first hit, after scrolling through Insta in search of enlightenment.

Go outside, do things, meet people, and if you don’t document it on Instagram, it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

Mina Kitsos is a Sydney-based arts and culture journalist, who enjoys drinking tea and incorporating Kendrick Lamar lyrics into casual conversation.