Zayn May Have Just Confirmed The Great Taylor Swift Suitcase Conspiracy Of 2017
We're through the looking glass here people.
The greatest conspiracy theory of our generation, that Taylor Swift often travels around curled up in a giant suitcase to avoid paparazzi, may have just been confirmed by none other than former One Direction dreamboat Zayn Malik.
If you don’t recall the origins of my favourite conspiracy of all time, (firstly, how embarrassing for you do you not own an internet capable device???), the theory first gathered speed back in July of 2017 when pictures emerged of a hefty black suitcase being transported out of her New York apartment.
Tag yourself, I’m old mate on the right chucking the “busted” face.
These and several other incidents of buff security men carrying the same big ol’ suitcase in and out of her home came about during a time when the world hadn’t seen Tay for a comparatively long time. This was post-Tom Hiddleston, pre-Reputation Taylor, and everyone was worried about our gal thus the obscene lengths we all went to explain her absence from our lives. Notably: she lives in a giant suitcase now.
I cannot stress how elaborately deep this conspiracy went, to the extent people were looking up her exact height and scientifically analysing the feasibility of her fitting inside a giant box. So try to understand how excited I am that FINALLY, we have more evidence to confirm Taylor’s Prison Break-esque transport technique is a real thing.
Praise be to supreme snacc Zayn for throwing fuel on the embers of this theory by casually dropping this little tidbit in a recent interview with Vogue: “She was travelling around in a suitcase,” he says, eyes agog, of his pal Taylor Swift’s ability to avoid the paparazzi.
Hell yeah, his eyes are bloody agog as he just inadvertently released into the wild the well-protected secret truth about the world’s biggest pop star. SwiftySuitcaseGate is real. We’re through the looking glass here people.
As someone who has always been a Taylor Swift Suitcase truther, I’m frankly insulted that all of you are now suddenly taking Zayn’s crackhead word for it when my crackhead word has been here all along
— Cha#RIBSFORRUTH Entertainment Cheese (@kellytheprice) November 14, 2018
There is a small chance Zayn is simply referring to the conspiracy and the many memes surrounding it itself, but also, Illuminati confirmed? 100%.