Life

10 Of The Absolute Worst Things About Public Transport

I've got 99 problems, and they're all public transport related.

OK, so public transport is great. It’s better for the environment, better for time because there’s less time spent in traffic (usually) and cheaper than fuel and parking in the city. It makes sense to use public transport, rather than clutter up already-congested roads—especially in peak hour.

Yet, despite its handiness, there are just some things that make trips almost unbearable.

#1 Manspreading

God, I wish I had the confidence of an aging white man taking up two seats on a packed train at peak hour. Newsflash: you do not need two seats. Close your legs and show some respect to the people around you.

#2 Bags Are NOT People

Ladies and gentleman, your bags are NOT people, and therefore do not require their own seat. Obviously, if you’ve got copious large bags and physically need the seats to fit, fair enough. But if someone else is forced to stand while eyeing off the seat next to you, because you can’t be bothered to move your belongings, you need to seriously re-evaluate yourself.

If your bag is expensive and you don’t want to dirty it, simply place it on your lap: problem solved.

#3 Feet?

Please keep your gross feet away from everyone else. And for the love of god, do NOT take off your sneakers. No one wants to smell your sweaty feet. It’s really not hard to wait until you’re home.

#4 Blaring Music

There is a special place in hell for people who bring portable speakers and force the entire train to listen to their shitty music. It’s called HEADPHONES, you ass.

If you’re a culprit, I actually hate you, and so does literally everyone else on the train.

#5 Loud Eaters

If you absolutely have to eat on public transport, please chew with your mouth closed. I shouldn’t even have to mention this.

#6 Never Getting A Seat

Good luck ever getting a seat. It’s not too big of an issue if your stop is only ten or twenty minutes away. But if you live in a regional or rural area, you can be waiting for 30 minutes to over an hour. Suddenly, sitting on the steps aren’t looking like such a bad idea — especially if you’re wearing heels.

#7 Different Rules In Different States

Having grown up in Sydney, the biggest change I’ve noticed moving to Melbourne is this ridiculous idea of one-story trains. There is nowhere near enough room. And forget my last suggestion about sitting on steps because there aren’t any!

#8 What Timetable?

Transport leaving a few minutes early — or even a minute early — makes a HUGE difference, especially when your destination is a fair hike away, and your trains don’t regularly run. Miss a train? You might be waiting an hour for another. Or how about when trains or buses just don’t turn up? For no reason whatsoever?

And let’s not forget those joyous last-minute platform changes! I am not fit enough to run up so many flights of stairs across the entire station in two minutes.

#9 Personal Space

You know the feels. When the train is absolutely empty, but a stranger chooses to sit near you instead. Please go away.

#10 Just Other People Breathing

STOP. DOING IT. SO. LOUDLY.

Literally anything can set you off if you’ve had a bad day and have to deal with the above. But hey—it beats walking, right?

Zoe is a journalist with a passion for all things wacky and strange. Like her on Facebook or follow her on Twitter for more.

(Lead image: How I Met Your Mother/CBS)