‘Tonightly’ Has Sarcastically Called For “Lock-In” Laws To Help Men Stop Killing Women

"For some reason, telling women to be responsible for their own safety just isn't getting through to murderous rapists."

In the wake of the alleged rape and murder of Melbourne comedian Eurydice Dixon, there’s been a lot of discussion around the best ways to combat violence against women.

Police seem to think the solution is for women to have more “situational awareness”, advice that has been roundly rejected as extremely unhelpful by pretty much everyone not named Sam Armytage or Miranda Devine.

Others have suggested that maybe it’s time for men to step up and take responsibility for their actions and the actions of their peers.

But on Tuesday night, the team at Tonightly proposed a third option. Rather than expecting violent men to stop attacking women voluntarily, they reckon it might be easier to just lock all men inside. After all, it’s better safe than sorry.

“For some reason, telling women to be responsible for their own safety just isn’t getting through to murderous rapists,” explained Tonightly contributor Greta Lee Jackson, dressed as a police officer. “So we want to try something different.”

“Following the success of the lock-out laws put in place to prevent men killing other men, we’re proud to introduce our new initiative: lock-in laws.”

“We all know that the vast majority of men to not rape and murder women. But in the interest of public safety, all men must now remain locked inside from 9pm… just in case.”

“If you do happen to find yourself outside after lock-in time, have situational awareness,” Jackson continued. “That situation being the legal system which means you can’t kill anyone.”

“And don’t forget to carry your no rape whistle. It contains chloroform, so one inhalation will prevent you from committing violent acts for the next eight hours.”