The TikTok Mormon Crickets Have A Right To Exist

Everyone on TikTok is losing their minds over these Mormon crickets.

Jiminy Cricket is waving hello with his hat.

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People give crickets a hard time, even on TikTok. And I’ve just about had it.

If you know your Bible, you know that locusts played a significant role in the narrative. And if you know your locusts, you know that they are not crickets. The differences are extremely fascinating. Something to do with antennae, which is just great.

You’d think that if a Biblical beast showed up in your front yard, you’d be pretty happy about it. It’s not money, but it’s something. You’re a part of a story, like Great Expectations, or an episode of Black Mirror. You’ve entered the Cricket-verse.

And yet the residents of Elko, Nevada in the US have been getting scared and angry about all the Mormon crickets that are… just laying around. Literally, they’re just sitting there. 

This person was having the most “disgusting” day of her life. Thank goodness she was able to film it so we could all be a part of it. 

Not only do we get to see a lot of bugs, but we also get to hear a leaf blower in the background, so of course the video has 24,700 comments underneath it. One of the comments is: “You need to borrow someone’s chickens they would be gone with in a [sic] hour”.

I’m guessing that chickens eat the crickets, but what if they don’t? Also, I don’t need someone chicken-splaining my chicken situation. How do you know I don’t already have a bunch of chickens?

In another bug video, someone asks, “Is God trying to send us a message?”

Haha very funny, right? 

Then it gets serious…

“I pray that you get right with him,” the person says. “It’s only going to get worse.”

[Hears record scratch, drops phone, checks notes, considers making a run for it.]

What is going to get worse? The crickets? Or life in general? What does she think is about to happen? Are the threats necessary?

Then there’s the response from AccuWeather, which appears to be a weather-related news organisation. They’re calling the whole situation a “nightmare”, not even pretending to be impartial.

Let’s hope they’ve at least gotten right with God.

So what is going on here?

A bit of background: The very first cricket, of course, was Jiminy Cricket. He was adorable, mainly because of his roundish features. But all other crickets that have come after him have been maligned as gross and off-putting because, well, because they’re hideous. Compared to Jiminy! Is that fair? We’re ALL hideous compared to Jiminy Cricket.

Why are they called Mormon crickets? Well, it’s a very, very funny story. In 1848, as the Mormon pioneers were headed to the American West. They tried to harvest some crops, but the crickets came after them. Then a bunch of seagulls ate the crickets. This is called the Miracle of the Gulls. See? Very, very funny.

If you need more of an explainer, this person tries to break down why Mormon crickets are “all over the walls and shit”.

That’s nice, but I’ve got a better idea. Instead of filming ourselves and/or the crickets, why don’t we just leave them alone. They’ll be gone in a few days, leaving us with a bunch of videos, chicken comments and the distinctly peptic guilt/shame combination that comes from general cricket intolerance.

This satirical article is written by Nick Bhasin, Junkee’s Contributing Editor. His novel I Look Forward To Hearing From You is out now.