The Most Gloriously Stupid Moments From The New ‘Jurassic World’ Trailer, Ranked

There are so many. SO many.

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It’s hard to pinpoint the most lovably stupid moment in the new Jurassic World trailer, because they manage to cram so many into those two minutes and forty seconds that it’s genuinely hard to pick your favourite. This thing is Jurassic Park meets the Call of Duty franchise meets every Matthew Reilly book ever, and it’s great.

Besides the broad-strokes stuff — the awkward insertion of hyper-macho special forces soldiers with Big Guns, an attitude to explosions right out of the Michael Bay Book of Directing — and the things we already knew about like the genetically-modified super-dinosaur and Chris Pratt pulling some Crocodile Dundee mind tricks on a pack of freaking velociraptors, there are some wonderfully boneheaded moments to laugh at when this thing hits screens, preferably while slightly drunk.

For me, it’s a three-way tie:

  • “It’s not about control. It’s a relationship, based on respect.” Who said it: Chris Pratt on training velociraptors, or Dr Phil giving advice to a Kansas mum on accepting her daughter’s new tattoo? The answer may surprise you! (Hint: it’s both.)
  • Law and Order: Criminal Intent‘s Vincent D’Onofrio screaming “light it up!” like he’s in The Expendables while being extremely orange. Not even spraytan-orange — actual orange. What happened to you, Law and Order: Criminal Intent‘s Vincent D’Onofrio? What event in your life precipitated this? Dude looks like a grizzled Oompa Loompa.
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Law and Order: World of Imagination.

And, of course, Chris Pratt’s sweet new biker gang, The Raptors:

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There’s probably an actual biker gang called The Raptors somewhere. It’s a very cool name.

The deliciousness of Bryce Dallas Howard’s character yelling “We’re talking about an animal here!” building up to a *dramatic pause* and Chris Pratt’s unselfconsciously lame riposte, “a highly intelligent animal,” is pretty sweet, but it only gets an honourable mention because it could’ve been so much more. That’s the part in a trailer where you drop your best one-liner! That’s your McBain “ice to see you” moment! What if Hot Andy had said “we’re the animals now” or something? That would’ve been so great. So great.

Jurassic World comes out on June 12. It is going to be such fun.