@Seinfeld2000 Has Written A Book, And You Can Read It Right Now

As Twitter parody accounts go, @Seinfeld2000 is one of the more deranged. The account was started by an anonymous Seinfeld fan as a riposte to the hugely popular @SeinfeldToday, and they post about the awesomely bizarre, present-day adventures of Jary, Garge, Elane and Krame. Nobody knows who’s behind it — we ourselves tried and failed to find the writer in an expose of the gag Twitter world — but whoever they are, they’re funny as hell.

They also like to branch out into other pop cultural minutiae.

… and now, they’ve written a book!

The Apple Store, by @Seinfeld2000, tells the fairly sorry story of the Seinfeld gang following their release from prison, after their incarceration in the final episode of the show. It’s gripping and hilarious stuff, with a mean satirical streak, and an approach to spelling and grammar that could probably best be described as ‘freewheeling’. The best part is that you can read it right now for free, thanks to Gawker!

The author originally published The Apple Store a few months back on Smashwords, but it was removed after a copyright complaint from Warners — killjoys, the lot of them. Gawker’s Adrian Chen knew a good thing when he saw it, and very graciously agreed to publish it on the site. The story is serialised in three parts, the first of which is online today.

So how are things for the Seinfeld gang? Not great, it turns out.

Garge spent 15 years in prison — one for violating Good Samaritan law, as in the final season of the show, the other 14 for murdering his wife and then shanking fellow prisoner Bernie Madoff in the face.

Krame — or Kragdar, as he now seems to be called — lives in the middle of Times Square and shouts at black people, while Elane works at Buzzfeed and suffers panic attacks at the hell her life has become.

Jary’s career has bottomed out and he now has it worst of all, working on the prop comedy circuit and opening for Keny Banya and Carot Top:

“Jary senfeld? More like Jary SHIT-feld!” Its the first time anyone in the room laugh, and the WHOALE room laugh. Jary feel like Kim Jung-Un just fire a nuclular misile at his chest. Jary want to come up with a good come back but cant tell the race of the audiance member. So he just go: “FUCK YOU.” But this only make the hecklar get bolder and the hecklar go: “Instead of iTunes maybe you shold update your SENSE OF HUMER to versien 11.0.2!” Jary feel the room start to spining around. Execpt spoiler alert: its all in hes mind. Hes tramataize. Jary just faint right there.

Parts two and three of the series are due on the site in coming days. Who heckled Jary? What will become of Garge’s new-found obsession with Lena Dunam? What exactly is evil president Bary Obame planning? These are the burning questions.