Please Stop Looking At The Large Queensland Toad

If this toad greeted me at the gates of hell, I would thank her for it.

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Happy Friday everyone, and by everyone I mean the large and poisonous toad wearily making its way through this treacherous world.

Yes, an unusually large toad was reportedly minding its own business in a rainforest near Airlie beach on Thursday when a passing ranger picked her up, marvelling at her size and weight. Intrusive? Yes. Offensive? Most definitely. Sexist? Without question.

And if that wasn’t enough, she was then reportedly picked up by her hind legs, put in a container, and schlepped to a “base”, where she was unceremoniously weighed. 2.7kg, apparently. Get over it! The toad, the ranger reckons, has been dubbed “Toadzilla”.

And I’m sorry, but can we relax with the name-calling? This toad barely the size of a baby. You know what isn’t the size of a baby? Godzilla. In fact, Godzilla comes from the Japanese word gojira, which is a portmanteau of the words for gorilla and whale. In what world is this toad even remotely giving one iota of that kind of gargantuan energy?

To add insult to injury, Godzilla is also notoriously violent; whereas this toad, by all accounts, was simply vibing. Our impulse, I fear, to position the toad as violent can be traced back to this country’s colonial origins, and that’s just the cold hard truth.

The fact is that this toad has copped it, and for that we should hang our heads in shame. A toad should be allowed to enjoy a low-key afternoon in a moist forest without being gawked at and objectified. Return this toad to its home! Have we learned nothing? Animals have the right to be large and left in peace. And so, I would stress, does this toad.

Photo credit: QLD Department of Environment and Science