Politics

Everybody Is Baffled By Scott Morrison’s Confusing New Lockdown Rules

"11 people CAN come to a funeral, but the extra person must cut the hair of the corpse."

Scott Morrison coronavirus presser

We are in the middle of a global pandemic. That requires clear, decisive communication from our leaders. Which is precisely what Prime Minister Scott Morrison happens to be monumentally bad at.

Yesterday, Morrison held a new presser designed to roll out further restrictions on movement around in public, and gatherings of large people. That’s not difficult information to impart — the United Kingdom’s Boris Johnson did it efficiently and effectively just a few days ago, and he’s not exactly the sharpest communicator at the best of times.

This was an easy goal for Morrison. And yet somehow Morrison monumentally stuffed it up.

Adopting his favourite tone — bad party clown getting shirty with a rabble of six-year-olds jumped up on red cordial — Morrison snapped, snipped, and bungled his way through a list of measures.

Some parts were easier to understand than others. Tattoo parlours, gyms, and food courts? All closed. Simple.

But what about haircuts? See, according to Morrison, hairdressers haven’t been told they have to shut. You’re just only allowed to sit in one for thirty minutes. And you have to keep yourself a metre and a half away from everyone else.

Oh, and funerals? They’re not banned either. No more than ten people allowed at any one time, apparently.

The longer the presser went on, the more these increasingly confusing rules began to pile up. The only people who can go to work are essential workers, apparently. But if you’re working now? Well, then you’re an essential worker automatically.

Basically, by the time the presser was over, Australia was thoroughly confused. And so we took to Twitter.

Yep, seems like Scott Morrison had precisely one job, and he utterly bungled it. Although, given that’s been his modus operandi since he rose to the top, perhaps none of us should be particularly surprised.