‘RuPaul’s Drag Race UK’ S3E7 Recap: Timer? I Hardly Even Understand Clocks

Y’all wanted a genuine twist, eyy? Come on UK3, let’s get timing! This week, the queens competed in a timed ‘fugly’ ball, where they had to turn three looks with just 69, 60 and 30 minutes to get ready, respectively — a frantic and silly change on a classic challenge.

It’s rare that we get a new challenge formula, so kudos to the team for a nice shake-up especially after the past few episodes, which haven’t been my favourite. Sure, plenty of frustrating Drag Race trademarks remained (mostly arbitrary judgements), but it was a cute episode: maybe with just five queens left, we were able to spend a bit more time with each girl? Ella spoke lots???? To the point where I’m beginning to think she is a serious contender for the crown????

All-in-all, we knew this episode would end in one of two ways: Scarlett or Vanity heading home. Scarlett’s had a rough few weeks imploding in on herself (very understandable), and while it was a tiny moment, this week’s crack on the main-stage about Krystal resembling Anubis showed it was her time to go. The awkward frustration underneath her ‘reads’ betrayed a shaky confidence that she couldn’t fight off: best to go before it got too bad or nasty.

(Also, I’m sorry that this recap is so late! Turns out moving house, working on the weekends, watching mostly bad movies at Sydney Film Festival and recapping Drag Race UK isn’t all possible. Very un boy-boss of me, but if it’s any consolation, I literally haven’t even watched the RHOBH finale!!!)

What U Waiting For?

This week’s ‘FUGLY’ ball was a little confusing: what is fugly, exactly? Like porn, you know it when you see it, but also, Ru (‘s writers) create a new meaning: fugly is now an acronym for ‘friend u gotta love yourself’, which is the epitome of ‘go off, queen…’. Especially when ‘fashionable ugly’ is right there and would have helped guide the episode (I hate asking for a job in such a public, demeaning way, but WoW, I really could be great for DRDUS2????).

Anyway, the queens have two pre-prepared looks for the ball — the first is ‘fugly swimwear’, and they only have 69 minutes to get into drag. This is where the episode works really well: it’s a genuine surprise for the queens, who would have never expected to have such a tight timing. By chance, this is Krystal’s one look that involves prosthetics, which adds a lot of pressure — it’s all just very enjoyable to watch them try to do everything while also still having the producer-pushed conversations about online trolling and sex. Krystal reveals she’s a virgin, which seems big until you remember she’s 19: it’s actually pretty normal!

Take your time love: just letting my imagination run wild here, but I would extremely recommend not hooking up with a guy on Grindr who you have a …few things in common with and then dating him for two years and moving in together and then doing literally everything together non-stop always. Just a hypothetical.

Anyway, Krystal doesn’t need my advice, as she’s, to quote Lady Gaga, on the right track baby. Her sea-lagoon look is the exact right ‘versatility’ the judges crave, and it comes at the perfect time.

The other four go for more obvious interpretations of swim-wear to mixed results: Vanity’s is a little too unflattering, and everyone else’s is fine.

Up next is my favourite segment of the episode, a charity shop look where the queens rummage through pieces to put together a new look in 60 mins. We also have the actual Charity Shop Sue (AKA Selina Mosinski) in to pester the queens throughout, which is a delight: surprisingly, Ella is the only queen who consistently engages in the banter. Krystal is far too busy de-dragging, as she has to undergo the biggest transformation, and ends up picking her garments and accessories with little time to spare.

The category is ‘charity shop chic’, which is a very specific idea of cheap glamour: it’s buying a dress that doesn’t quite fit and colourful, oversized accessories, but feeling like $1000. Krystal’s look isn’t exciting, but you can’t tell me you haven’t seen this woman working at Vinnies, albeit maybe a few decades older:

Scarlett also goes for a LBD and creates a slutty girl persona that’s a little uncomfortable. I’m not the one to determine whether something’s misogynistic/that’s probably too big of a word, but it reminds me of Jimbo (who I love): where’s the line between celebrating femininity and demeaning it? It’s also a character she literally named Titsalita Bumsquash, so maybe it’s not that deep.

Vanity goes with a disgusting orange dress and some colourful pastel necklaces, which feels true to the category if not actually pleasant to look at; Kitty misunderstood and dressed as the Supre to Sportsgirl to Dotti pipeline in one look. Impressive. Ella is a GILF: very Baddie Winkle on a conservative day.

The queens only have 30 minutes for their final runway, a ‘fugly but fashionable’ look from home. It’s absolutely no time, and while I do love to harp on about how this show mistreats its contestants, it’s so fun seeing them scramble that I feel no need to call the DRSPCA.

It’s here that judging falls off a little — I’m happy to see Kitty win, but hyping her dorky cat-lady look as Gucci-esque is a little much. Sure, she also wears ‘pedophile in film’ glasses, but there’s no editorial flare, and it’s a little silly to pretend there is while she’s performing a camp-comedy runway. It’s flat out ignoring reality, but Kitty deserved a win a long time back, so who really cares?

By my count, Ella is this week’s winner for her tartan clash-picnic rug throw, but she joins Maxi Shields in the coveted ‘gives a Westwood-inspired runway that should have won’ group.

Vanity’s sleeping bag dress is bulky but beautiful, and she ends up in the bottom against Scarlett, whose chav tracksuit is great but admittedly does miss the brief.

They lip-sync to ‘Scandalous’ by Mis-teeq in front of group member Alesha Dixon, who is so into it she can’t help but sing along and scream out. It’s completely endearing from her and a killer lip-sync from both queens, but it’s Scarlett’s time to bow out. I’m excited to see what she does off the show.

Next week’s challenge is a scripted take on Star Wars called Bra Wars. There are three episodes left of the season, but we’re already down to the final four: does this mean a queen might return? We’re approaching fan-fiction territory, but I would love to see Victoria come back and just win the whole damn thing. A boy-boss can dream…

---

RuPaul’s Drag Race UK S3 is available on Stan, with episodes arriving each Friday 6am AEST.

Jared Richards is Junkee’s Drag Race recapper, and a freelance critic who has written for The Guardian, The Monthly, NME and more. He’s on Twitter @jrdjms