Culture

Conservative Pissbabies Are Outraged That Their Little Racist Lollies Have Been Renamed

"Political correctness has gone insane. We are becoming more of a dictatorship, our freedom of speech will no longer exist," said one boomer about lollies.

by Michelle Rennex  16 November 2020
Chicos redskin name change

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In a surprise to not a single soul in the world, conservative pissbabies are mad that their little racist lollies have been renamed.

Back in June, confectionary company Nestle announced that they would be renaming their Allen’s Red Skins and Chicos to ensure their products aligned with the company’s values.

“This decision acknowledges the need to ensure that nothing we do marginalises our friends, neighbours and colleagues,” Nestle said in a statement. “These names have overtones which are out of step with Nestle’s values, which are rooted in respect.”

When the announcement was made five months ago, crybabies on the internet did what they did best and whinged over the idea that ~political correctness is taking over~.

Totally ignoring that redskin is literally a slur for Native Americans and that chico is one for Latin Americans, conservative pissbabies couldn’t help but cry “PC CULTURE GONE MAD!!!” at the time.

But today, Nestle announced that the two popular lollies would have new names: Red Rippers and Cheekies! Very cute and not racist! Simple stuff, really!

“We hope Australians will support the evolution of these two much love lollies,” Nestle’s statement read. “While the names are new, the lollies themselves remain unchanged.”

But, as expected, conservatives are once again mad for no good reason. Just like the uproar we saw when Coon cheese announced they were rebranding to ensure the company was treating everyone with respect, the newly named chewy red sticks and chocolate jelly babies have angered boomers and whingers with far too much time on their hands on BoomerBook Facebook.

“Political correctness has gone insane. If these products were originally named with a racists agenda, I would support the change. This is not the case. We are becoming more of a dictatorship, our freedom of speech will no longer exist,” wrote one woman on Facebook, who used a photo of her dog as her profile photo.

“If you are offended by the name of a lolly then you are the one with the problem. I’m sure children don’t care what they are called, they just know if they like them or not. I hate to think where this nonsense will lead to next,” wrote one another, who opted for a bunch of dying flowers on her profile instead.

“Ridiculous,” another angered pissbaby, this time using a cartoon version of herself, shared.  “Do they realise they are catering to a minority who don’t even eat the things and probably have no racial or cultural connection to the original names? Pathetic.”

On Twitter, it wasn’t much better with conservatives claiming they would boycott Allen’s because “caving to woke culture shouldn’t be rewarded“.

God, I’m exhausted.

Anyway, the new Red Rippers and Cheekies will hit shelves in early 2021. Be sure to buy yourself a pack to piss off your local pissbaby!