RadioShack’s Twitter Has Officially Gone Rogue

"No we didn't get hacked, and no I'm not fired. Buckle up bitch."

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In the latest instalment of brand seppuku, American electronics retailer RadioShack has made headlines this week for a very sexually explicit social media strategy.

The American equivalent of JayCar stunned digital audiences yesterday by tweeting seven simple words: “if you find a squirter marry her”.

As audiences spat out imaginary mouthfuls of coffee, they proceeded to swarm over the since-deleted tweet in an attempt to decipher why a retailer would tarnish over one hundred proud years of trading in an instant. Twitter users would quickly discover that this wasn’t an isolated incident.

RadioShack’s social media manager appears to have been posting like an absolute hell man for over four months, one minute comparing Elon Musk’s rocket projects to a “big metal penis”, the next curiously asking if anyone else was stoned AF on edibles.

A RadioShack intern would later appear to take responsibility for the lewd comment, before pivoting back and owning the statement in a dramatic about-face.

Following the apology, RadioShack restored their deleted tweet almost as an affirmation of their new company direction.

There’s a long list of theories that could explain the company’s behaviour. Was this a lengthy cyberattack? A new aggressive social media strategy? The true answer is tragic and depressing

TL;DR: RadioShack got bought by crypto bros last December and flipped into an online crypto marketplace place.

You see RadioShack — with over 7,300 locations at its peak, or a store within three miles of 95 percent of Americans — hasn’t been doing so good financially for a long time.  After the ubiquitous electronics store declared bankruptcy not once, but twice in the last decade, the company finally scaled back the majority of its retail chains in an attempt to survive.

But the cost of survival would net a heavy price, as the company’s new small structure would make it the perfect meal for venture capitalist firm Retail Ecommerce Ventures (REV), known for collecting bankrupt legacy businesses like Modell’s Sporting Goods and Dressbarn.

REV’s CEO is none other than Tai Lopez, a prolific finance YouTuber known for posting outrageous get-rich-quick schemes. Shortly after purchasing RadioShack in December, the company announced it would open a digital cryptocurrency marketplace, minting its own coin $RADIO in the process.

Obviously, the new social tone is an attempt to cajole a younger crypto-savvy audience over to its new marketplace, but the sharp juxtaposition from ‘mom and pop hobby store’ to ‘squirting and pot’ enthusiasts has given a number of people notable cognitive dissonance.

The shame brought on the digital behemoth would once again prove the eternal truth of Neil Young’s 1979 single ‘Hey Hey, My My’: It’s better to burn out than to fade away. Or rather, it’s better to close your business for good so that nobody can use the severed skin of its legacy as a mask a-la Hannibal Lector.