Prince Harry Is Now Single, Ladies

Expect a whole heap of unsolicited advice from your grandmother on this one.

In good news for fans of fantastical pipe dreams, helicopter pilot and Nazi costume enthusiast Prince Harry has allegedly split from his long-term girlfriend, Cressida Bonas.

Despite her winningly posh name, our source (People magazine) has claimed that the 24-year-old was “too needy” for the 29-year-old Prince. Citing their own no-doubt-reliable source, People went on to report that the break-up was amicable.

Bonas (‘Cressy’ to her friends) works in marketing, and is apparently happy to forgo a life of absurd privilege in order to ‘concentrate on her career’. Best wishes, Cressy.

The split comes as something of a surprise, as it had appeared that Bonas was being groomed for a greater public role, having attended her first official event only a month ago. The couple were introduced by Princess Eugenie, and had been dating for almost two years.

As well as carrying a noted non-resemblance to his brother William and father Charles, Harry is the fourth in line to the British throne, and I hereby predict that monarchists all over the country will be clutching their pearls and polishing their sceptres tonight.