Netflix Is Gifting The World A Bizarre Jake Gyllenhaal Horror Film
Velvet Buzzsaw is a new horror film set to drop on Netflix this coming Friday, February 1.
At least, I think it is. To be honest, I’ve read the synopsis of Velvet Buzzsaw six times now, and each time I have become less convinced that it’s a movie, and more convinced that it’s one of those dreams you have when you’re sick on the couch and thoroughly fucked up on cough syrup.
Here’s what I can glean: Velvet Buzzsaw (excellent title, by the way) is in part an ensemble piece about the Los Angeles art world. It’s also a horror movie (!) about a series of mysterious paintings that unleash a supernatural force (!!) that “enacts revenge on those who have allowed their greed to get in the way of art” (!!!).
Weirder still, the film stars Jake Gyllenhaal as a character called Morf Vandewalt.
Wanna repeat that one more time: Jake Gyllenhaal plays a character called Morf Vandewalt. Oh, and the thing about Morf? He loves fringes and chunky-ass glasses, as an early promo image for the film makes clear.
Just a reminder that on the 1st of February, we're getting a horror movie called Velvet Buzzsaw from the director of Nightcrawler, shot by Robert Elswit, starring Jake Gyllenhaal, John Malkovich, Rene Russo, Billy Magnussen, Toni Collette and Daveed Diggs on Netflix! pic.twitter.com/QE1gzL2ban
— Liam (@Liam_Norval) January 3, 2019
Then there’s the little fact that, according to Urban Dictionary, a “velvet buzzsaw” is a euphemism for a particularly private part of the female anatomy. So either writer-director Dan Gilroy (he of Nightcrawler and Roman J. Israel fame) has unintentionally stumbled straight into innuendo, which is funny, or he’s deliberately named his takedown of the art scene after a sex organ, which is funnier.
The jury’s still out on whether Velvet is a good film – it won’t be seen by critics until the Sundance film festival, where it opens on January 27, less than a week before punters can luxuriate in its insanity. But hey, with a title, synopsis, and promo image like that, there’s no way that the thing isn’t interesting, at the very least.