7 Mistakes We All Make When We’re Way Too Tired To Function

Calling the tutor "Mum". Then being immediately traumatised by it.

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Have you ever been so, so, tired that you make terrible decisions? I’m talking about that week 12, day five, last semester of your degree, needing to get 125 per cent on each assignment to sort out your GPA, but also need to do a 12-hour shift even though you’ve only eaten a vitamin tablet for dinner tired.

You’ve been sitting in the lab for the last three days and can’t remember what your mum looks like. You don’t even bother to leave your desk to cry a bit. You hate every single person who isn’t currently studying.

While you’re in this sexy, euphoric state, you’re gonna make some boo-boos, and they’ll probably be pretty funny. Here’s a list of those oversights you’ve probably made at some point in this wondrous journey we call a degree.

#1 Calling The Tutor “Mum” Or “Dad”

Look, we’ve all done it. In a fit of half-conscious word vomit, we’ve raised our hand and let a confident “Mu-“ escape from our lips. “I mean, ‘Miss’” we desperately try to save. But it’s too late. Everyone heard it. You’re now the person who called the tutor Mum.

Yes, we’ll be made fun of. Yes, we deserve it. Yes, that is peanut butter in our hair, why do you ask??

#2 Putting Something That Isn’t Sugar In Your Coffee

Everyone knows the old salt instead of sugar chestnut — that’s just being a human in the morning. But super-ultra-week-eleven tired is more fun — like a spoonful of loose tea or smoked paprika. I used to store Epsom salts in jars in my cupboard because I didn’t realise how questionable my decisions can get when I’m tired.

#3 Texting The Wrong Person

Bonus points if it’s about the person you were originally texting. Bonus bonus points if you send it to your housemates, family or bosses.

#4 Picking Up Only Chocolate For Dinner

We all want to cook up a storm of kale, quinoa and salmon with something extra green on top, but when you’re buggered from the top down, this doesn’t always work. Instead, you wander through the supermarket, breeze past the organics section and straight to the treats.

You might pick up like, a bag of grapes or a single tomato to offset the guilt, but it’s pointless. You won’t even realise what you’ve done until you wake up the next day covered in melted chocolate (or garlic sauce).

#5 Doing An Assignment That Doesn’t Actually Exist

Oh. My. God. I once spent about five hours in the middle of the night doing a design assignment that didn’t actually exist. I had just dreamt about it, and, amidst the week 12 panic had made a full on, terrible front-page magazine design. This one takes the cake.

If you’re this tired, get some sleep you go-getting high achieving idiot, you.

#6 Falling Asleep On The Train And Ending Up Somewhere Weird

There’s literally nothing more romantic than a train driver shaking you awake in the middle of Gippsland at 2am while you spill an almost empty can of energy drink over your backpack.

I once had a friend who fell asleep on her bus, woke up two hours away from her house, and then continued to fall asleep on the way back, spending a grand total of five hours on a random bus. Which probs wouldn’t have happened if she’d just gone to bed.

#7 Leaving The House In Your PJs

This is my favourite. I LIVE for exhausted uni students in sneakers, trackie dacks and a big ol’ locally branded t-shirt sitting in the library, hunched over their laptop smelling like bolognaise sauce. Those extra five minutes to get dressed is not worth the five minutes less sleep. We’re all here with you, buddy. If I had higher self-esteem I’d totally wear my uggboots too.

Talcum powder and body spray are your best friends, and I personally love you, random stinky tired person.

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