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‘MasterChef Australia’ Recap: Terrible Pies, Pressure Cooker Mishaps And Broccoli Murder

"To be honest, the way that broccoli has been overcooked until it is soggy and placid is pretty typical Australian cooking."

by Michelle Rennex  8 June 2020
masterchef recap pies broccoli simon

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Thanks to last night’s elimination, we finally have our MasterChef: Back To Win top 10.

To get to this milestone, the remaining 10 vulnerable contestants had to battle it out in a two-round cook-off, while Heat Week immunity winner Mathematician Callum watched from the gantry above.

Dedicated to all things true blue ‘Strayan culture, the contestants were told that the first 90-minute round was all about whipping up their own versions of a savoury meat pie and sauce.

As the contestants sprinted around the kitchen to gather their ingredients, the judges huddled together to chat shit about pies. Bogan Andy obviously absolutely frothed the idea of getting served any food that a six-year-old child would love.

Meanwhile, Melissa shared that she was looking for something with personality aka anything fancier than mince and gravy. Still banging on about his bloody HP sauce from like five weeks ago, Jock said he’d love a dollop of HP on the side of his pie — but God forbid Hayden uses some store-bought corn chips, hey?

Anyway, into the actual cooking, Dessert King Reynold decided he was going to make a chicken and leek pie, served with a tomato chutney. Despite literally running an artisan bakehouse, it turns out that Reynold actually had no fucking idea how to make pastry.

Working next to the Dessert King and knowing nothing about pastry either, Khanh was also whipping up a chicken pie — a coconut chicken curry pie with a chilli jam, to be exact. Going for a similar vibe to Reynold, Khanh decided on a rough puff base for his pie.

Meanwhile Pasta Lover Laura decided to make a pork and fennel pie with a tomato chilli relish — probably because she realised that she couldn’t pass off ravioli as pie. On the next bench over, Emelia was cooking her filling for a chicken, leek and pancetta pie with a tomato and apple chutney.

Tapping back into his roots, Brendan decided on a Mauritian beef curry rough puff pie with a mint and coriander yogurt sauce, while Sarah Tiong went for some Asian flavours with a braised pork belly pie and apple sauce, which lets be honest… was a choice.

Vego Simon stuck with the brief and kept it true blue by cooking up his beef and stout creation with a tomato chilli sauce. On the opposite end, because Chaotic Poh can’t ever just cook something nice and simple, she decided on a chicken and red wine coq au vin with a smoked cheddar crust served and a pea and mint sauce.

Even though the dish was impressive sounding, Chaotic Poh’s choice in technique aka her decision to not make a stock out of her chicken bones, disappointed Jock. Meanwhile, totally oblivious to what she was saying, Melissa shouted “it’s a no stock coq!” before walking away. Mood.

Vegan Reece, despite, you know, being vegan, was busy browning off two giant shanks of wallaby for a wallaby pie with a sweet and sour Davidson plum ketchup. Going for a double pastry combo of a lard bottom and flaky top, the judges were excited by the sound of a pie that wasn’t made of just veg.

Then, in the worst MasterChef grandma story ever, Tessa decided to cook ‘Josie Pye’s Pie’, which was inspired by her grandma, who’s last name is Pie. Even though Tessa gassed the recipe up, it was essentially just a basic-ass braised beef pie with puff pastry and tomato sauce. But did you know that Tessa’s grandma’s name is Josie Pie? Ok cool, just checking that you caught that considering Tessa said it about 73 times.

Meanwhile, pulling his pastry out of the freezer from where it was resting, Dessert King Reynold realised that he fucked up big time. After placing his pastry on a hot baking tray at the start, Reynold essentially melted his puff pastry. Then, back to intimidate the contestants during walk-throughs, Jock told Reynold he shouldn’t be nervous because he’s a pastry guy — which was about as helpful as when you’re crying and a fuckboy says: “Aha, don’t cry :) you’re soooo beautiful :P hehe”.

Anyway, after getting cocky and relishing in Reynold finally struggling at something two months into the competition, our Dessert King basically told Jock to fuck off. We love to see it.

As all the contestants scrambled to get their pies in the oven with at least 30 minutes to spare, Vegan Reece was still waiting for his filling to cool in the blast freezer. However, no one was in a worse position than Vego Simon and Sarah Tiong, who’s fillings were still depressurising in the pressure cooker at the 30 minute mark.

Throwing her ~Josie pie~ in five minutes behind everyone else, Tessa hoped that rolling her pastry thinner would make it cook faster. Then, finally catching up, Vego Simon assumed the Poh position and just stared at his pie as it started to cook away at the 20 minute point.

Following behind at the 15-minute mark, which was undoubtably not enough time for pastry to cook, Dessert King Reynold, Khanh and Sarah Tiong finally threw their pies into the oven with cranked up temperatures in the hopes that they could speed up the process.

With just 10 minutes to go, the cooks split their time between adjusting their sauces and just staring through the oven doors, hoping for the best. And in some sort of miracle, everyone actually managed to plate a completed pie that didn’t break open when they were taken out of their tins.

When it came to tasting, despite all the complaints from Andy and Jock about her lack of stock during the cook, Poh’s coq (heh) went down a treat. Calling the pie pastry the best they’ve ever had, it was clear that Poh was safe from round two.

Similarly, Brendan’s Mauritian beef curry filling and cooked pastry was also a hit, as was Pasta Lover Laura’s pork and fennel creation, and Emelia’s chicken, pancetta and leek pie.

Sadly this wasn’t the case for basically all the other cooks, who decided to throw their pies into the oven at the last minute. While their filling flavours were tasty and their pastry looked cooked, Khanh’s rough puff top to his chicken curry pie, Vegan Reece’s crumbly wallaby pie crust, and Reynold’s pastry for his overcooked chicken and leek pie, ended up raw.

Suffering from the opposite problem was Vego Simon, who’s crunchy pastry couldn’t make up for the bland beef interior. With Andy even describing the filling as “not lovely”, which is probably the nicest mean comment I think I’ve ever heard. Also having problems was Sarah Tiong and her dry-ass pork pie, which Melissa kindly dragged by describing it as “not wonderful”.

Meanwhile still banging on about about her grandma Josie Pye, turns out Tessa’s gran’s recipe failed her big time. While her pastry was perfectly cooked, the beef filling ended up being extremely dry and Andy deemed the sauce “too hectic”……. which sounds about Andy.

But even though so many cooks bombed out, the judges settled on Josie Pye Tessa, Vego Simon, Sarah Tiong and Dessert King Reynold as being the worst of the worst.

In the second round, the bottom four were tasked with cooking their version of ~Australian food~ in 60 minutes. So naturally, Dessert King Reynold decided to make a fancy Cherry Ripe, by literally replicating the Opera House in dessert form. As you do.

Thinking savoury, for Josie Pye Tessa, ~Australian food~ meant a sticky braised pork with sea succulents and natives because it represented the “melting pot of cuisines and cultures”. Despite absolutely failing with her use of the pressure cooker last round, Tessa decided to try her luck with it again.

Meanwhile, whipping out the trusty ol’ hibachi, Vego Simon went back to his roots and decided to honour Aussie farmers by crafting the saddest meal known to man: A hibachi grilled broccoli stem?? Served with fried broccoli?? And a broccoli cream??

Doing something less weird and not so broccoli-focused, Sarah Tiong settled for a South-East Asian spin on charcoal chicken and chips, in an ode to Australia’s multicultural diversity and her immigrant mum’s favourite splurge dish when she first moved over.

Working his sorcery to make a coconut gelato out of liquid nitrogen — along with a coconut dacquoise, cherry and blood lime compote, whipped ganache, yogurt snow, and meringue shards — Reynold The Scientist™️ was trying to bend space and time, yet again, to fit his 57 elements into a 60-minute cook.

With 30 minutes to go, Vego Simon was busy murdering cooking his broccoli for his Australiana dish. Deciding to vacuum seal his nAkEd BrOcCoLi for reasons still unknown, Vego Simon dropped his bland-ass broccoli stem in the sous vide machine.

Looking entirely unconvinced about every single element that Simon was creating, Jock’s face of disgust during walk-through chats truly said it all.

With 10 minutes to go, Dessert King Reynold had actually somehow magically finished all his elements bar his meringue shards, which he had just thrown into the oven.

Meanwhile, Josie Pye Tessa had only just started to depressurise her pressure-cooked pork and Sarah Tiong was still grilling her charcoal chicken. Concerningly, over on bench Broccoli Boy, Vego Simon begun scooping his black garlic sauce into a piping bag, which, no word of a lie, looked like literal shit. Doo doo. Straight faeces.

To make matters worse, after pulling his sad, limp grey broccoli out of the water bath, Simon realised that he had seriously overcooked his broccoli stem à la Nan’s classic tasteless, tough meat and three veg Sunday night creation. And props to Simon, tbh. There’s truly nothing more Australian than that.

Up first to the tasting room, Dessert King Reynold brought in and plated his impressive 60-minute Cherry Ripe flavoured-Opera House replica.

As with any Reynold dessert, the judges absolutely frothed his bonkers creation — and deservedly so. From his execution to the flavours of his dish, the judges couldn’t find a single fault. This was also the case for Sarah Tiong’s Asian charcoal chicken plate, which the judges felt was moist, spicy and flavour-packed.

Sadly, for Josie Pye Tessa, while her flavours were bang-on, she absolutely stitched herself up again for the second time in the elimination. The judges felt the choice in pork belly for an hour-long cook was a terrible idea, and resulted in some bone-dry protein.

But it was very clear that no one fucked up as badly as Vego Simon and his limp broccoli. Presenting his broccoli medley with a fresh dollop of shit on the side, the judges were firstly disappointed with the fact that they were only served a bit of broccoli after an hour of cooking.

When it came to the flavours, Jock was a fan of the taste. However, the obviously extremely overcooked broccoli stem was simply too hard to ignore, and so we said ta-ta to sweet, puppy in human form, and sunshine personified, Vego Simon.

On the next episode of MasterChef: Back To Win, the top 10 take part in a partner team challenge, where they are tasked with creating identical dishes while being separated by a wall.

MasterChef: Back To Win returns tonight at 7.30pm on Channel Ten. 

Michelle Rennex is a Senior Writer at Junkee who can’t cook, but enjoys judging people like she can. You can follow her on Twitter at @michellerennex.